there were two

7 years ago in the winter, I went to pick up his brother from school. He was then 7-8 years, and I, respectively, 20. And as we walk, I find in his pocket two small ikeevskih pencil that there is distributed free of charge and all of them were recruited himself mercilessly. And in my mind matured cunning plan. While the brother does not see, I quietly put a pencil in his down jacket pocket. Having a little more, I offered to show him a trick. Take out a pencil from his pocket, he stretched out, talking hold, check. Then taking him back and say that "magic pencil and you liked him. He always comes back to you.", Then he leaned over and put it in the hole manhole watching the bewildered reaction brother. Having a little more, I say: "Check his pockets, he could have come back." Bran starts without enthusiasm fumbling in his pockets, not believing me. And what was his surprise when he found a second pencil in his feather bed.
It took 5 years to me comes to 13-year-old brother, puts the same pencil and said in front of me. "Tell me honestly, because they had two, yes?" At first I did not understand about it, but after a moment remembered the "focus". I had to admit that, yes, there were two. And he told me: "Do you realize that I have kept the pencil 5 years old and often wondered how did you do it?"

how to make people queue irritated

After work, my husband and I went to the mall. They took two carts, collected food, my husband went to the cashier take their turn, and I - in the confectionery department.
I went to the checkout, my way with a cart to her husband and asked:
- Man, please miss me forward!
- Please, I'm not in a hurry, - he says.
The challenges for our customers tell me:
- Enough impudent, go and stand in the queue!
- Man, and then I can be in your cart to shift product? - I ask.
- Of course!
Standing behind him:
- That same arrogant woman! Everywhere without soap fit!
- Man - I say - you could not pay for me?
Queue in shock, waiting for a response.
- Yes Yes! Do not worry! - Responsible husband.
- Do you drive? - I ask. - Will take ??
The husband could not answer, choking with laughter, and only nodded. Eh! How I turn to eat me alive!

Suddenly

We went in the morning with his wife to the mall to buy more doche clerical detail. Hiking, all have what we need. Five hours later the mobile phone is ringing. Calling this shopping center and say:
- Hi, you have bought today, and dropped the 5000th bill, you can at any time to drive up and pick. I ahue course, well I say, thank you. himself
look in the purse, exactly, should be Pobol money.
I went there, went so and so say I called. Comes admin and gives me my 5 000. Says the seller found and brought her admin strained security service, they looked CCTV, watched from the place where the seller found a bill and track what car I drove away. Then through security chief struck by the car owner's phone number, called me and gave money.
It was the first time in my life when I have returned the lost money

The strength - in righteousness and arrogance.

We pass the evening with her daughter past the mailboxes in the entrance, and then five men with beer, two even smoke.
Daughter: So, with beer and cigarettes - the street!
That's right, why be afraid? With it, the PA.
I have already thought out escape plan, and who beat the first estimated.
And the men went to the door obeyed.

The real story, which took place last night with my friend.

Welcome! I'll try to pick you up with his story. The story is 100% real! So:
Night. My friend is sleeping with his young wife (both 23 years) after a hard day's work. In the same room is sleeping their newborn son. Suddenly, at 2 o'clock starts of hell a loud knock on the ceiling. And knock and knock and knock! And above them lives 90 year old woman. The child, of course, woke up ... But what to do? Well do not go to the same fight-grandmother swear in the night. We decided that obozhdet until tomorrow. Well laid back ... And still after knocking. Well, with grief in half trying to sleep on the knock. And then bam! one jumps like crazy crazy and starts shouting: "Why, it's Morse !!! SOS". Listened attentively - though he !!! Distress call! Immediately call to everyone: ambulance, police, Ministry of Emergency Situations. Arrived - ring the door - do not open. MOE through the balcony break into an apartment granny. It turned out that my grandmother - a former military man, it was bad. She lay on the bed and could only reach his wand and started pounding on the floor. Saved grandmother, all right. Now, my friend - my hero flats) takes pride of such a friend!

pickup

I go down on the elevator, the taxi in the airport has already approached and waits. I understand that something not so with sneakers - has forgotten to insert into them insoles. I throw things in the car and back on the 20th floor on the slow elevator - I want to manage to run to the apartment and back so far the elevator hasn't left not to butt in on expectation of the elevator.
The plan is overset by the girl standing on my floor. Ok, I ask it to wait literally 15 seconds. She agrees with some coquettish smile. I run behind insoles and I hear how the elevator is closed and has gone down. I think - well e-mine as that is so possible. I come back to elevators, the elevator has left, and she costs and waits for me.

fake page Facebook

Once I have found an ownerless sim card.

Long thought, and has decided to create the fake page on Facebook.

Has filled her with photos of very beautiful girl.

Then to me in friends men have begun to arise.

I didn't look for communication, but they broke both much and in detail wrote, and I supported communication as many opened the soul, and I just couldn't remain indifferent.

I have known many well. Their state, problems in families. What wheelbarrows at them.

And then all this has bothered me.

I have appointed him a meeting. All. At the same time. In at one time.

According to the scenario, they had to arrive to me and take away me to go to an appointment.

I it called the address - the house and an entrance opposite to mine.

It is necessary to tell that we have very small yard and very narrow drives.

And here in the appointed day and hour, I stood, smoked at a window, looked at a stopper and abuse at myself in the yard and thought why I do all this

excellent news

The history was in far 2007 (then graduated from school), the phone call sounds, the girl called, the call was taken by the father (and so between times our voices are very similar), there was the following dialogue:
About (father) - Hallo
Д (girl) - hi
Hi
Д - how are you doing? what are you doing?
About - it is normal, I watch TV
Д - my mother left, you will come?
About - where?
D-co to me
About - pancake, I am afraid the wife won't release
Here the girl is reached by a certain understanding of the events
Д - Ammm, and it is possible to call John to phone
Further the father shouts to me to the neighboring room: "I have a sonny for you excellent news!!!"

PS Is good when parents have a sense of humour

Two mathematicians on the plane fly.

Two mathematicians on the plane fly. Speaks to one another: "Lately I very much am afraid to fly by plane as I expected that probability that onboard a bomb, even above, than probability to die in road accident.". The second mathematician answers: "Yes, I did the same calculations too and came to the same result. But I went further. The probability that on the plane two bombs are insignificant is small therefore I always carry now one with myself

call 911

Translated personally so let there will be Tuesday "semi-mine"

"You have called in 911 what your problem consists in?"

"123 Meyn Street"

"OK what occurs there?"

"I would like to order pizza" (well cool, another telephone draw)

"Mem, you have phoned in 911"

"Yes, I know. I can order big pizza. A half of pepperoni and a half with cheese, mushrooms and pepper"

"Mmmm.... I apologize, you precisely understand that you have called in 911?

"Yes, as a lot of time will occupy it?"

"OK, a meme, at you there everything is all right? Whether there is a threat to your health?"

"Yes, indeed" (the understanding moment, admit, up to this point you thought: "well for the silly woman")

". And you can't speak about it because someone another is with you in the room?"

"Yes, everything is right. So what is the time it will borrow?"

"The closest patrol approximately in mile from your place. Whether there is in the house weapon?"

"No"

"May you remain with me on the line?"

"Isn't present. I wait for you, thanks"

The dispatcher has punched this address on base and has found numerous cases of arrests for domestic violence. When the officer has arrived to the place, he has seen the woman in bad condition and her drunk boyfriend at once. The boyfriend has been arrested for beatings, and the dispatcher has forever remembered this call.

Give your phone!

Occurred just. The scene of action - Moscow. Further according to the friend.

Found phone under a bench in a pool (touched with a leg when rose). There was Samsung Galaxy S5. Pressed inclusions the button - there was a worker, 29 missed calls, costs on silent. All calls were from contact "Mother". My friend waited for the spouse therefore decided to call on this contact to tell where and when it is possible to take away phone (wanted to tell the home address). Dialogue:
- Hello, I found your phone, can take away in its evening, now I cannot is on site.
- To whom you lie! The daughter just told that phone was stolen! We already called police. Now bring phone on the metro station!
- The woman, I am busy, I am at home in the evening. Let somebody will arrive and will take away phone. Nothing from you is necessary to me. I under a bench found it in a pool.
- Ah you are rubbish! Thief! You steal phones from schoolgirls and you think that everything will escape punishment? Yes you in a mentura will be dug!
- You know, I changed the mind, I will sell your phone.

The friend hangs up. Switches off phone. Pulls out a sim card. Gave for the symbolical amount at the next subway.

not greedy

In 2009 adopted the child from orphanage. He was 3,5 years old. As there don't give much with pleasure, the child didn't know many a yum-yum. And here we in a supermarket, and I speak to the son - Here a basket take you that you want. You can put everything, everything, all. I will buy that you will tell.
And he chose from all shop: tea pack, pack of sushka and egg kinder. Told that it will have enough it.
Still, will ask money for pocket expenses, will buy and bears everything home. I speak - you eat! It is useless. Speaks - I can't, it is necessary to share.

10 signs of the fact that you are a school student in the USA

1) To come to school in a pajamas or slippers - norm.
2) The area of your school and quantity of various objects are more similar to the area, than to school.
3) All know each other, but at school practically anybody has no true friends. Me it is the truth very much grieves.
4) Your list of lessons is more similar to courses, for example I have lessons "Care of Animals", "Multiline Programming" and "Introduction to Unity".
5) At least once a day to you somebody approaches to get acquainted.
6) You can get up in the middle of a lesson and begin to dance, can go in library to be online, can go to shop - but to a toilet only with the teacher's list.
7) Podjeba and constant jokes on sexual subjects from the teacher - norm.
8) In your class of 200-300 people, but you saw only 50-60.
9) You have blood from a nose? - HOLY CHRIST BYSTREY IN the SCHOOL ITS, we DO MRT, DOCTOR HOUSE, YOU WHERE HOSPITAL?
10) All school goes and asks to teach to use foul language in Russian.

You have few friends on Facebook, we will call back to you

Always sat on the Peekaboo without account, but the day before yesterday there was from what at me wildly bombanut. Without having sustained, decided to be registered and tell, what happened to the friend.

I work in the medium-sized Moscow company on sales. My friend the other day quitted the old job after they replaced the head of department. So far didn't begin to look for a new place of employment, but I suggested to come on an interview to us into the company (specialists in sales which understand the equipment are required). Gave it phone and e-mail of HR department.

He registered on Friday. The work experience was ideal (sales in the same sphere, enterprise customers), has the higher technical education. From last work there are several letters for the first places and even corporate distinctions (something like medals, etc.). That is on sales he feels like a duck to water though he itself not really loves this profession.

I asked that he didn't advertize who invited him. In general everything suited my friend, especially I told about details. I warned directly the head of department about an interview, told it briefly about the friend. At the end of the working day at the request of the head I called the recruiter which sobesedovat my friend (the young girl, works for us recently). Asked whether the new candidate was pleasant to it. The following dialogue took place:

- Well as it?
- I don't know, seemed strange. Our company will refuse to it.
- Why? - here I very strongly was surprised.
- The bad characteristic after passing of the test. And still I found it in Facebook, and it has in friends only 6 people. Means, badly will accustom to collective.
- It, from where such conclusions?
- I have the higher psychological education (I have nothing against humanists, itself got arts education).

healthy lifestyle

Has decided to lead a healthy lifestyle. I will go for work through hawkers by a bike, to do chin-ups in the park, to be wrung out, bars there everyones!

Day the first - has reached to beautifully equipped platform. 1 time could be tightened, be wrung out 5, on bars 3... people who lead a healthy lifestyle on the platform were shown on me in open. Well, it is thickish and isn't sports...

Day of the second - Has found the small platform on a distant path - a horizontal bar, bars, a bench. And to the people zero - I won't be confused. It was tightened, wrung out, bars... To speak about progress early...

Day the third - Has reached to the platform imperceptible, and there the girl on a small bench sits. Type the runner has a rest. Fat, but nice - I have felt shy of her - to be dishonored with 1 pulling up even before one person not hunting... Began to do like warm-up. Minutes 10 warmed up.... doesn't leave...

Has sworn, I lift the bicycle further to go. And she to me:
- Yes you don't hesitate. I on Monday saw you how you hesitated that nothing leaves. I simply and here "have hardly reached". Further forces isn't present. And to hobble there where these fucking people who lead a healthy lifestyle jump I hesitate...

And I have gone for one pulling up

issue

gender = floor
on the Russian words are pronounced the same way

Call from unfamiliar. The woman calls. Worries a little.

- Good afternoon, you are engaged in floors?
- Watching with what that at you?
- We made floors slightly more than a year ago, they began to creak.
- So, and I here at what?
- You can as the expert to look in what the reason and to eliminate?
- I can, but why you do not address the one who to you made?
- Well he made once, they began to creak, you can make diagnostics?
- Well, your business, your money. Dictate the address.

Pleasant woman. The daughter studies, live together.
Logs creak, it is necessary to lift a parquet, plywood to turn off and stretch properly. Perhaps, with laying, but from above it is not visible.

Sounded, right there issued the conclusion by hand, with a seal, asked why it needs it.
- Yes I do not need the conclusion. I should repair, you will undertake?
- Wait a moment, you told that repair has some?
- Well.
- Dak you call these workers, let on a guarantee eliminate.
- They gave year of a guarantee. And it is stated in the agreement.
- We have Lyudmila under the law 2 years of a guarantee for these works. More - it is possible, it is less - No. And to spit that there in the agreement is written.
- And what does it mean?

After all in soul I am a nifiga not the builder. I cannot deceive people for money.
- Give number of these children.
- And what is it? What for?
- We will prolong a guarantee.

Guys appeared young, adequate. Explained about the law and that it is profitable to have legal proceedings to nobody. Except lawyers and me, so we anyway will receive money.

Scratches eliminated in two days. Free of charge.
I was employed the technical consultant that tracked that everything is correctly done.

Lyudmila Andreevna is happy since she was ready already for a new floor to fork up, and here such economy.
Told guys couple of secrets, showed how at once it is good to do.
By the way, then 2-3 more times on the objects called me on technology that prompted to them.

I love when so - without abuse, it is constructive and all are happy remained.

about self-improvement

Met the being schoolmate yesterday. Generally, at school he was thick to horror and guzzled constantly at roll lessons everyones. Well to it the nickname "bubble" also clung.

Didn't see years 10, somewhere only heard that it after school began to go to a trenazherka with a violent force. Went on a diet, hit in sport.

And so. I go near the house, I look – the car in a snowdrift rose. The driver this way and that – in any. And here some guy, huge as a case approaches. Raises the car behind and it safely slides forward.

Then I come into a bakery – a baa! And there "bubble"! Fat, as devil. Costs, guzzles a roll.

cute boy

I stand I smoke on a back porch of the house. In the yard children of years 10-12 run.
From round the corner very chubby boy taxis and goes somewhere to depth of the yard. Nearby some two girls begin to point a finger at it and to laugh. The guy turns around also in voice with hoarseness, intonation as at Don Corleone and actively gesticulating speaks:
- Yana, Yana, lovely, you want to tell something to me? You want to inform of something me, expensive? So approach and say directly me it, Yang! And if you shout further behind my back, then I will approach and I will tear to you your lean back!
I do not maintain and I begin to laugh. The guy turns around to me, takes off a cap and having a little inclined the head, speaks:
- Good evening, mademoiselle.
Now it is my favourite boy in the yard)

My story about easy money

I am a young guy, 26 years. He isn't married, but the girlfriend is with which we live in my apartment - my parents live separately, periodically only visiting us. Both we work, to money we know the price.
And just a few weeks ago to me in poker which is my hobby brought the amount, to my measures nekisluyu-500 thousand rubles. We from darling long thought in what way it is the most rational to spend her.
Only now I understand story how money changes people, to be exact, of the relation between them. Our opinions concerning expenditure dispersed, but as a result, glory-gu, we came to the mutually beneficial decision: to myself I will purchase strings on a guitar, and it - ballerina flats. And in a month at us in Belarus in general denomination will be carried out, hmm.

USA

The officer from Management on fight against drugs arrived to us on a farm yesterday: "I shall carry out inspection regarding cultivation of drugs".
I answered: "Without problems, only you don't go to that field...",
The officer really exploded: "Mr., with me the power of Federal government!". The haughty officer got into a hip-pocket, got from it a badge and pushed to me it in the person. "You see this fucking badge!? This badge means that I can go where to me will like... On any earth! Without any questions or reports!! I am understoodly expressed? You understood!?".

I politely nodded, apologized and went on the affairs. A couple of minutes later I heard loud cries, looked and saw the officer from the Management running for the sake of salvation of the life. And made up for it huge, old, spiteful a bull... With each step the bull made up for the officer, and it seemed, that will hardly manage to reach the safe place until it is butted. The officer was in net horror.

I threw the tools, ran up to an obstacle and shouted in all can my lungs:

"Your badge! Show it the BADGE!"