How to Groom All Your Body Hair (T. J. Miller)

T. J. Miller says he owes his career—and his marriage!—to the hair on his head (and his face). So to celebrate this month's Grooming Awards, the shaggy star of Silicon Valley and the upcoming film Office Christmas Party gave us the secret to maintaining all, and we mean all, body parts

Step One: Grow Out Your Hair So You Don't Look Like Yourself
I grew my hair out for a part and never cut it because I kept getting hired and told: Don't cut your hair. I've stated that it's possible the only reason I'm in show business is that I have such a strange, particular head of hair. That and I can grow a red beard. That's perfect for a marijuana-smoking clown, which is the archetype that I bring to Hollywood. I encourage everybody: Try having long hair. See what the deal is. What if you look so much better? I dated my wife in college when I had shorter hair. I think the reason she's still with me now is because I have longer hair. And a beard. She told me that. She said, “I'm here for the hair, so keep it long.”
Step Two: Do Not Put It in a Man Bun
Don't be the guy that thinks it's some independent statement when, in reality, he just walks around and everyone is like: “Man, things are bad for me right now, but thank God I'm not that guy.”
Step Three: Get Weird with Your Beard
I'm a comedian, but I'm not a very good actor. So I'll change my facial hair and people think I'm acting when, really, I'm not.

Step Four: Your Body Needs Detailing
When you get into a car and there's trash, or it's dirty, or one of the hubcaps is off, you're like, “Come on, dude.” Every woman likes the confidence and self-respect that says, “I get oil changes. I look after my vehicle.” That's what I recommend: Act like you don't care, but take care of your body.
Step Five: Go Topiary on Your Manhood
Always manicure your genital area. You can't let that go. You can't get to your 40s and be like, “Whatever. I'm married, I'm just not gonna—” No! Don't do that.
Step Six: Be Sure to Disinfect
Once, on tour, I “cut the lawn,” so to speak. And I didn't have any Tend Skin, which I use anywhere you can get razor burn. And I thought, “Well, what am I going to do? I have to disinfect the area.” I went down to the hotel bar, ordered a vodka neat, brought it upstairs, and I put my freshly shaven business in potato vodka. And I gotta be honest with you: I got a little drunk.
Step Seven: Tend to the Sexiest Part of the Human Body. Elbows.
I don't care about knees. You might have the weirdest knees on earth. Just accept it. It doesn't matter. But elbows? Keep your elbows in immaculate, pristine condition. Use lotion on your elbows every day.
Keep your elbows soft. Keep your elbows looking fine. When a woman touches your elbows, she should begin having a violent orgasm immediately.
Step Eight: It Helps If You Don't Stand Next to Ryan Reynolds
My Deadpool co-star was in People magazine as Sexiest Man Alive. And then he's in there as Sexiest Dad Alive. He's in a class of his own. On the other hand, I look like a toddler that's taken a growth serum. My face is oblong. But the best grooming is confidence. You should spend time every day being like, “Dude, I'm gonna walk around like a badass today.” It doesn't have to be real confidence. Look at Erlich on Silicon Valley. Look at me. Just tell yourself you're going to get it done today, and then get it done.

GQ's Comprehensive Guide to Body Grooming

How to clip, shave, and tweeze every inch of your body, from the chest to (yup) way, way down under

For most men, body grooming involves walking a delicate line between looking like a caveman on the beach, or a member of One Direction. Then there are the more...nitty-gritty aspects of grooming, involving places where the sun don't shine, and even some you've probably never considered before. To help strike that balance, we consulted top grooming experts on how to prepare your body for the summer. That said, body hair is a matter of preference—both yours and your partner's. In other words, don't buzz without asking her how she likes it first.

Style: 2017 The GQ Guide to Prom (Look)

Look your sharpest on the big night with the perfect tux, shoes, and hair you won't regret when you look at your Instagrams a decade from now

THE GQ GUIDE TO PROM

 We say it all the time because we mean it: buy your tux. Why? Because getting something with a modern feel and the perfect fit is the key to looking awesome in black tie, and that's difficult to do in your average stodgy rental.

The best part is there are more affordable—and sharp!—looking options these days for about as much (or a bump more) than what you'd pay for a rental

1. The Slim-Fit Tux
If you want a no-nonsense, slim-fit tux with some edge, go with this one from ASOS. The trim one-button peak-lapel jacket and tapered pants capture classic black-tie swagger in the slickest way, and at a crazy good price.

ASOS jacket, $108, and pants, $58

 2. The Traditional Tux
For the more traditionally minded young gents out there, Alfani's two-button model offers red carpet style for way less than what the Hollywood types are paying (actually, scratch that—they're getting theirs for free).

Save Face: A Forehead-to-Chin Guide

It's the most important part of your body, and it requires routine maintenance—and yes, a few products. Here we present the tools and tips that will get you a clean, blemishless, age-defying mug day after day (even after a long night of drinking)

Basic Training for Your Face

1. Wash

There are grooming products we think you need to invest some cash in. Face wash isn't one of them. Just wash mornings and nights with Cetaphil (available at most drugstores). It's not fancy, and it doesn't need to be.

Cetaphil cleanser, $12

2. Exfoliate

Think of using face scrub like taking out the trash—do it a few times a week to dispose of the dead skin on your face. We like Alba's, which has tiny buffing beads and smells like the beach, all for twelve bucks.

Alba Botanica Sea Algae Enzyme Scrub, $12

3. Moisturize

A moisturizer is your first line of defense against wrinkles like Ronnie Wood's. (Well, that and staying off heroin.) We dig this one because it absorbs quickly. Plus, the pouch packaging means it travels easily and rolls up so you get every last drop.

Ernest Supplies Matte Moisturizer, $25

Ski Champ Bode Miller on How to Face the Brutal Cold
"Your body dehydrates when it struggles to stay warm, so drink lots of water. To stave off raccoon eyes, I use an SPF of 30 or more; brand doesn't matter. My final secret is face-saving vitamin E. When I skip it, I notice a difference in the quality of my skin the next few days."

Reshaping your brows

• "If you use a razor, it will always look weird. Instead, stick with a pair of simple tweezers." (At GQ, we like these from PockeTweez.)

• "To keep things looking masculine, pluck only from the bottom. If you're unibrowed, don't tweeze farther than your inner eye."

• "You're yanking these guys out from the root. There will be irritation. Rub in some aftershave to avoid little bumps."—Ramon Padilla of N.Y.C.'s guy-friendly Browhaus salon

PockeTweez, $28

Nose and Ear Hairs

• Never pluck these; you'll get a nasty infection. This trimmer whacks hair quickly and painlessly.

Philips Norelco, $15

Face Your Next Crisis

Start Fracking Your Forehead
Instant Fix does exactly what it claims to do: turn shiny skin matte in reflective regions like your forehead and nose. Keep it in your desk drawer. When you catch your forehead—or even your bald head—glinting in the mirror, reach for it.

Anthony Instant Fix Oil Control, $28

Break Through Those Breakouts
"An occasional zit can be caused by genes, sweat, even dairy and sugar. When you break out, try an oil-free 2 percent salicylic-acid spot treatment by Neutrogena. It works overnight. If the zit is really deep, head to your dermatologist for a prescription or a quick-fix shot of cortisone."—N.Y.C. dermatologist Sapna Westley

Neutrogena Rapid Clear Spot Gel, $8

Take Out a 401(k) on Your Face
Dropping a C-note on serum? Damn right. Start using it in your twenties or thirties for Dorian Gray–like effects down the road. This stuff helps prevent wrinkles and clears up dark patches, and it made us look like we got five more hours of sleep than we actually did.

Colbert M.D. Stimulate: The Serum, $140

Sober Up Your Hangover Eyes
Here's what you do: You get a minuscule dollop of this stuff on each ring finger, and then you gently pat around your eyes. Doing this feels dainty, weird, kind of girlie. But when you're done, you can literally feel your skin tightening up. The bags under your eyes deflate. You look younger instantly—and will look younger later, too, without deeper bags and crow's-feet.

Sircuit Cosmeceuticals I. Cee U.+ Gel, $120

Don't Laugh at the Man in the Mask
Every Sunday night, I indulge in three things: Homeland, Thai takeout, and a face mask. Actually, a lava-mud face masque from Kyoku, which sounds even more ridiculous as I type it out. Still, it's the most relaxing part of my week. It's bizarre the first time, when you look in the mirror and Heath Ledger's Joker is staring back. But after a minute or so, the thick mud dives deep and your skin starts buzzing—a sensation I can only assume is dirt being sucked out of my pores. Ever since I've started using it, blackheads have been less frequent, my blotchiness has chilled out, and bumps have been nonexistent. The only stressful part of the night is remembering to hose down my face before the delivery guy rings.—Andrew Richdale

She Loves You, She Loves You Not

Mindy Kaling
Writer-actress, The Office

Like: I have always liked the whimsical sock on the otherwise very neutrally dressed guy. I think that's great. [Bridesmaids director] Paul Feig is the master of this.

Dislike: I like reading magazine articles about this, or watching fashionable gay guys rock this look, BUT I'm not into the rolled-up jeans and loafers with no socks. Oh, and chest waxing. I know it's not fashion-related, but it's just not natural.

Hero: Franco. James Franco. I can't tell his ironic style from his Ferragamo style. I don't know when it starts and stops. Also, you know who doesn't get enough credit? Bruce Jenner. Regular dads should be aspirational toward Bruce Jenner.

Chanel Iman
Model

Like: I'm more interested in a man's personal style than I am into the trends. Personally, I like a man with a gentlemanly quality, tailored and clean.

Dislike: Current guidos ...ewww! And any man wearing too many logos in one outfit needs help.

Hero: I like Pharrell's style. He dresses nice casually.

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi
Jersey Shore cast member

Like: I like guys that wear low V-necks and tight shirts that show off their muscles. I like button-downs, but the two top buttons have to be unbuttoned so you can show a little chest. Or three...or all of them.

Dislike: I don't like when guys wear really tight pants. It's disgusting.

Hero: The Rock. He's a gorilla.

Laurel Pantin
Assistant Beauty Editor, Teen Vogue

Like: I like guys who look like they chop wood and eat a plate of pasta. This is so lame, but I just really like it when a guy looks like he's not trying too hard. My main advice is don't try too hard, don't get too weird, and nothing sparkly, ever.

Dislike: Tank tops. It's so creepy when it's tight in the back, I don't like it. Ill-fitting suits are horrific. I don't really like jewelry on guys and hate [points to Mark Sanchez on the September issue of GQ] tight sweaters.

Hero: Ryan Gosling. But I did see a video of him, breaking up that fight, and he's wearing a tank top. I was like, "Why are you wearing that tank top? You're so cute."

Emmanuelle Chriqui
Actress, Entourage

Like: I love great sneakers. With a suit, with a great pair of jeans, I love sneakers. It's also kind of cool and sexy to me when a guy can rock a scarf.

Dislike: A guy can wear his jeans too high or too low. There is definitely a proper way to wear your jeans. Too high is just ridiculous. And too low is just ridiculous. Guys should know this, it's a big deal.

Hero: You know who kind of rocks it? Adrien Brody. He takes cool fashion risks.

Vashtie Kola
Music video director/party promoter

Like: I love men in workwear. Like Carhartts, work shirts, and boots. I love the idea of men doing things with their hands. My father was a car mechanic. He'd come home with his boots and smell like car grease.

Dislike: Overly accessorized men. I understand fashion, but it can be a turn-off if a man puts more thought into it than I do. A guy who has the hat, and the bow-tie, and the briefcase, and the suspenders... I don't like that.

Hero: I like Steve McQueen, a lot. And Robert Redford. Kanye West has good style, as well.

Ashley Bouder
Principal Dancer, New York City Ballet

Like: I really like button-up shirts with a scarf and a bowler hat. That's my favorite look. I also like sports jackets dressed down casual.

Dislike: I hate those shoes with the individual toes. I saw this good-looking guy the other day, in khakis and a nice button-up shirt. He had on those shoes—they're so ugly! I also hate when people wear skinny jeans and they're big at the top or hanging off. That's trying too hard.

Hero: Adam Levine from Maroon 5. He always looks very casual but also like he put together something. And his clothes fit him!