Aquille Carr strode into the gym two hours before Baltimore's Patterson High School took the floor for a fall league game at St. Frances Academy. All 5'6" of him. Patterson's point-guard phenom smiled as he climbed the bleachers, grabbing a seat beside Coach Harry Martin. Carr sits at #26 on the influential Rivals150 prospect rankings, and when asked about the recruiting process, he rattled off scholarship offers nonchalantly, like memorized moons of Jupiter for a quiz. The University of Maryland. Baylor. Kentucky. Out they came.
"I started playing basketball when I was four years old," Carr says. "When I was seven or eight, that's when I realized I had to take it seriously."
So much for a learning curve. Carr exudes an extraordinary charisma. His ego's been bolstered by a city fawning over his talent, and he's still very much a teenager, prone to immaturity and outbursts. But he's magnetic, whether dressed in Patterson blues or a plain black tee and slacks. Always smiling, his body continually exhibits a lightness, a positivity. It's no wonder the gym, relatively empty when I arrived, begins to fill up an hour before Patterson takes the floor.
In the fall league game—just an exhibition, though that didn't stop organizers from selling "courtside seats" for $15—Carr got off to a rough shooting start. But he flashed scintillating bursts of ability, both in his capacity to weave through the lane as well as bolt downcourt so quickly that expectant defenders couldn't react quickly enough to defend the basket. The only thing I can compare it to is watching shifty New Orleans Saints running back Darren Sproles, then a senior at my high school's conference rival Olathe North High, when he'd slalom into a secondary that knew he was coming, but couldn't twist their hips fast enough to drag him down. (Sproles has made a habit of this in the NFL, too.) Carr, who typically glides into the lane, head down and fearlessly flying into the trees, is rarely blocked—his shot was swatted just twice last year, by Coach Martin's estimation.
"He has a phenomenal way of angling his body and getting his shots up without anybody blocking him," Martin says. I can see what he means almost immediately. Defending is all about anticipation and reaction, and when you can't anticipate what someone is going to do, there's not much chance you'll be able to react to it.
Given that this was a fall league game, the refereeing was lackadaisical, more attentive to ensuring the game ran on schedule than to calling every violation, and Carr, a player who relies on getting to the stripe, didn't get many breaks. A staunch competitor with an impetuous streak, Carr became frustrated, which manifested in his play—scattered and reckless. Relaying this story to Oklahoma City Thunder superstar small forward Kevin Durant, whose Facebook fan page is where I first discovered Carr, he regarded it a familiar struggle, something you have to learn to cope with.
"You wanna win so much, but you don't want to look like you're not coachable or you don't respect the game," says Durant, who's considered one of the NBA's calmest players. "It happens, you lose your cool. Everything isn't going to go the right way."
Carr's learning about the right way this year. His team will play a national schedule, traveling up and down the East Coast to face some of the nation's top prep competition. Patterson is fully outfitted by Under Armour, and the night before I arrived in Baltimore, the Minnesota Timberwolves' newly drafted forward Derrick Williams and Milwaukee Bucks point guard Brandon Jennings shot a commercial for the brand at Patterson. (Jennings, apparently, paid a local barber hundreds of dollars to hang out in case he needed a touchup, a quirk that had the Patterson coaches snickering). This year's Patterson team includes Shakir Brown, a budding star who transferred to link up with Carr, and Leonard Livingston, an athletic 6'10'' prospect. Patterson, after years of non-contention, is now expected to make a run at the historic trifecta: a City Championship, a Regional Championship, and a State Championship. During a recent visit to Baltimore, a fall league game revealed a team just beginning to gel, hustling to prepare for a demanding travel schedule and high expectations, as well as the scrutiny that comes with increased exposure.
But amidst great expectations for its season, Patterson was taking a beating at the hands of rival St. Frances. Carr fumed. A whistle blew, and Carr, already frayed thanks to a number of no-calls on the other end, stomped back toward the foul stripe from under the basket, leering at the official. A family friend walked onto the floor to escort Carr to the locker room. It's unclear if he was officially ejected, but he was certainly asked to leave the game. Carr eventually returned to the bench, but not to the game, his head hung low, a towel draped over his neck, obscuring his face. After the game, a sullen-looking Patterson squad sat in a darkened hallway, still in their uniforms, looking a little lost, adrift as the team's coaches berated them.
"I let y'all do today your way," said Coach Darrick Oliver, father of backup point guard Dereck. "And look what happened. Now we're gonna do it my way." Theodoric Bell, one of Patterson's assistants during the regular season, followed Oliver. "Y'all are playing a national schedule this season! A national schedule."
The Patterson players sat together in silence, Aquille drooped over in a chair looking at his feet. It was the look of a team acknowledging just how much pressure was on them, and simultaneously realizing the potent, real threat of failure.
No one in Baltimore is quite sure when Aquille Carr became known as "The Crime Stopper."
Maybe it was during his freshman season, when he scored 39 points and dished 19 assists against powerhouse Lake Clifton and Josh Selby, the nation's top recruit.
Maybe it was that same season, when Carr dunked over Baltimore City College High's Nick Faust on a play that Baltimore Sun beatwriter Glenn Graham christened "The dunk heard 'round Baltimore." At the time, Faust was 6'3''. Carr was 5'5".
"He had very little help around him that first year," says Graham, a 20-year veteran at the Sun who's been on the basketball beat for the last four. "You were just thinking he was going to lay it up strong off of the backboard, but he just kept going and going. Before you know it, he slammed it. And it was just about the most incredible thing I've ever seen, as far as anything I've ever covered."
Maybe it was the 57 points he hung on Forest Park, the 11th-ranked team in the city last year, breaking a Patterson record that stood for 50 years. Carr hit seven threes in that game.
Or maybe it wasn't even on the basketball court. When Bell coached Carr in Pop Warner, Carr missed the first two games. But like Allen Iverson, another diminutive basketball talent with surprising football skills, missing a couple games didn't stop him from scoring 33 touchdowns that season.
Or, maybe it was the time a regional All-Star game was called with a minute and a half left after a spectacular play by Carr.
"He takes the ball down the right side and is getting a little physical with the guy who's guarding him, and he just crosses him over—the most ridiculous crossover I've ever seen—and the kid literally falls on the floor. [Carr] steps back and drains a long-range jumper," says Sun writer Matt Bracken, who runs the sports section's web site. "The place just erupts. And the guy at the scorer's table stands up and is like, 'That's it! I'm calling it.' There's time on the clock left and he was like, 'There's no topping that.'"
In the third season of HBO's byzantine crime drama The Wire, police officers accuse Police Chief Ervin Burrell of "juking the stats," essentially finding ways to manufacture statistics that would make crime appear to be decrease in the city to help crooked Mayor Royce get re-elected. Burrell could have used Aquille Carr. His singular nickname, The Crime Stopper, stems from the notion that so many people are coming out to the phenom's games that illegal activity in America's most infamously crime-ridden city pauses. It's a weighty name for an 18-year-old, but even Aquille's father, Alan, acknowledges that some of his son's biggest fans are, in fact, criminals.
"I know a lot of guys, a lot of guys that sell drugs," the elder Carr, 49, says. "A lot of them stop for two hours just to go see him play. There's a lot of guys that do that—that's why they named him that. He's just a well-liked kid."
While Aquille's dazzling floor game demands a kind of reverence — envision a small, agile guard pinballing around the floor on both ends, finishing drives with a jaw-dropping leap—he's already put together a staggering resumé for a player entering his junior year. After a freshman year that re-established dormant Patterson as a player in city hoops, Carr led the school to a City Championship, and then the state title game against North Point, where they lost 76–72. In a recent All-Star game, the Boost Mobile Elite 24 played in Venice, CA, a game he almost didn't play in due to some waffling from the Maryland Public Secondary Schools Athletic Association, Carr posted a 21-point, 10-assist, 7-rebound performance that further established his big-game prowess.
You don't have to stay in Baltimore to hear a good Aquille Carr story. As the starting point guard for U.S.A. Basketball's U-19 team in an international tournament, Carr went for 45 points—he averaged an even 40 for the tourney in a gold-medal effort—and was carried off the court by Italian supporters, who like their heroes diminutive and fiery. Lottomatica Virtus Roma, the same team that signed Milwaukee Bucks point guard Brandon Jennings to a million-dollar deal out of high school, was rumored to have offered Carr a contract worth $750,000 this spring, when he was still a sophomore. (According to the Carrs, Lottomatica Virtus Roma's $750,000 offer is still on the table. Virtus Roma's manager, Bogdan Tanjevic, has denied this claim.)
But in a city that stakes its civic pride on its impressive roster of basketball stars, Aquille Carr isn't built physically like previous metro-area hoops legends Carmelo Anthony and Kevin Durant. He weighs 140 pounds. Though he's listed at 5'8'', locals know he measures in at least two inches shorter. His small stature has been an advantage at times; it's branded him an unlikely hero, a role Carr seems to relish.
"Whatever you say he can't do, he does," his father says. "He blocks it out. That's how Aquille takes a lot of stuff. He likes to be the underdog."
It's easy for both purists and casual fans to get behind Carr's game, which consists of blinding slashes to the bucket and deft, patient dribble breakdowns of a defense's weaknesses. He's a Wow player. Though many more in College Park or Lexington or Waco will be singing the Crime Stopper's praises, Baltimore has stood behind him as long as he's been playing, including men's league games where a not-yet-teenage Carr held his own against his father and his friends.
"When someone rises to the level that Carr has, [Baltimore's] basketball community, which is extremely tight-knit, completely rallies and gets behind that person," Bracken says. "I think certainly he's had a lot of support in that regard."
In fact, Carr has already won over many of the same players he looks up to—some dote on the pride of Baltimore.
"I first heard about him on Twitter, someone sent me a link about Carr and how good he was," says Brandon Jennings, who got to know from workouts at St. Frances Academy. "The things he does on the court are amazing for a player his size."
Durant, a long, rangy player, already sees the advantages—tangible and not—of Carr's size.
"When we were growing up we were surrounded by five projects," Bogues says. "It was a grind, it was tough. Everybody had that swagger going on in that city. Even as a kid, being my size, I had to just be among the rest of the guys. And that's where my attitude and my confidence and my ability to learn the game came from. In Baltimore, you gotta have that swagger. And that's what Aquille has."
Though Carr, as one might expect from a teenager fish-hooked from Phys Ed to talk to a reporter, was somewhat short with his responses when we talked, he was still cheerful and direct.
"People overlook me because I'm little," Carr says. "They'll be like, you can't do this, you can't do that. I just prove 'em wrong."
He comes from a tight family, which includes his older brother Alan Jr., a former football star at Lake Clifton, his sister Ashley, who just graduated from Towson University, and his parents, Alan Sr. and mother, Tammy. In an environment consisting of so many broken homes, the Carrs routinely hang together, hitting the movies, bowling, and dining out together on special occasions.
"Family means everything to him," Alan Sr. says. "All we got is us."
It's no coincidence that Baltimore has been a breeding ground for Division I basketball players—according to Martin, approximately 20 D-I players come out of the Baltimore metro area each year.
But it's not all love; since all players in Baltimore play with an edge hardened by the environment and high competitive level of city hoops, people in the community can also grow to resent Aquille's successes.
"Just coming out of that city prepares you for a lot of levels," Bogues says. "A kid walking around in that city, they think they're better than Aquille. That's the crazy thing about it. That's just how the attitude is around there."
In a sense, Carr is a sheltered player; while his family makes the final decision, all things recruitment or press-related are routed through Coach Martin. Though he coexists in this famously rough environment, he's built a functional mechanism around him that increases his odds of success. Given that trouble teems in many corners of Baltimore, common knowledge suggests that if you just keep your head down and focus on basketball, like so many others have done, you'll be able to break out of the city limits. Staying in Baltimore is still a risk, however; many top-tier recruits elect to spend a year or two at basketball prep-school powerhouses like New Hampshire's Brewster Academy (Baltimore's Will Barton, Selby's cousin, elected for this path and now stars at Memphis) or Virginia's Oak Hill Academy.
"A lot of people leaving the city altogether and going to prep school," Bracken says. "It's so extraordinarily rare for someone of his level to not only stay in Baltimore, but to stay at a public school that was completely off the radar before he got there."
The day after being tossed from the exhibition game, I met a photographer for a photo shoot on an outdoor court in Carr's neighborhood in East Baltimore—where it quickly became clear that the 18-year-old casts a long shadow. While preparing the lighting, a neighborhood kid approached and asked what was happening. When told about an Aquille Carr photo shoot, the kid's eyes went wide and he bolted home.
An hour later, in front of half the neighborhood, Carr showed up with a cluster of friends in a pair of Elite 24 shorts, smiling. Some of his friends sported matching "Most Wanted" tattoos. He immediately apologized for the kerfuffle at last night's game.
"I'm sorry that was the one you had to come to," he said, smiling.
The yard that day was packed with ballplayers on two freshly paved courts, thick triple rims adorning ivory squares of plaster that created a glare. A man holding a can of Steel Reserve walked down and commented on how great it was that these courts were here. "Think about what else these kids would be doing if there weren't these courts here," he said, before sauntering off.
Three Under Armour reps showed up with Patterson's new practice apparel, including custom gear printed up with "Crime Stopper" emblazoned on the front. His brother's attempts at merchandising—a gray hoodie with "Crime Stopper" on the front and a reproduction of one of Aquille's tattoos on the back—hung on a nearby chain-link fence. When Alan told him to put it on, Aquille feigned disgust. A few older guys from the neighborhood leaned on a fence near an embankment 10 feet above the courts; one yelled, "Don't forget where you came up, Aquille!" as Carr repeated crossover after crossover in front of the camera.
That unseasonably warm afternoon drove neighborhood teens across two full courts, and as the throngs packed the playground, the crowd grew restless. On the other court, a five-on-five game bounded up and down, the roster ranging from middle school might-bes to middle-aged never-was-es. One baller took a pull off a Swisher Sweet while receiving passes with his other hand, effortlessly balancing both.
Baltimore's legacy as a hoops city is permanently defined by a long line of undersized, supernaturally tough guards. Before Aquille came Juan Dixon, who took the University of Maryland to a national title. Before Dixon came Sam Cassell. Before Cassell came Muggsy Bogues, and before Bogues came Skip Wise, maybe the best of them all. But right now, Aquille Carr is the one who makes the city stop when he moves with the ball, a focal point in a town banking on his every move.
"He can break you down," says Durant. "He's small, but he can score on anybody. He has amazing athletic ability and he has heart. You gotta respect a player like that, no matter how small he is."
Though recently drafted Memphis Grizzlies guard and former Kansas star Josh Selby refuted the fact that Carr outscored him in their famous matchup—Selby should probably revisit that box score—he sees big things for a player that he refers to as his little brother.
"The first time I met Aquille he was probably 12. I said, that's a small version of me!" Selby says. "So I fell in love with the kid's game from there. He has the talent to play in the NBA. As long as he continues to grow I can't see how he's not lottery."
Muggsy Bogues, the beloved Baltimore-bred 5'3'' former Charlotte Hornets guard that Carr regularly cites as a player he looks up to, relates to the young player's circumstances.
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
More E! than ESPN: 20 Famous Athletes Who Aren't Famously Athletic
Ballers and Chains
"Ballers" used loosely: Whether with their teams or around paparazzi, these guys are usually in the way of someone else's shot.
Marko Jaric (Adrianna Lima's husband)
One of these things, an NBA no-name last seen playing in Italy, is not like the other, a Victoria's Secret model and our de facto Miss Universe. But you already knew there is no God, right?

Hank Baskett (Kendra Wilkinson's husband)
When Baskett's Colts and fellow E!-lister Reggie Bush's Saints met in Super Bowl XLIV, it was billed by some (hint: not us) as "Kendra versus Kim." While Bush added to a career full of nondescript performances, Baskett had the only notable one of his, bouncing off his facemask the surprise onside kick that led to the Saints' momentum-shifting score. So, guess we know who won that battle: the people of New Orleans.

Eric Johnson (Jessica Simpson's fiancé)
Even the most bigoted Romophobe would have to admit that this former tight end, whose NFL stint lasted all of seven seasons, is a downgrade from Tony in the career department.

Mike Fisher (Carrie Underwood's husband)
See Simpson, Jessica. Though if someone watched hockey, they'd make the case that the Nashville Predators center is actually a pretty good player. That's your cue, guys. Anyone?

Mike Comrie (Hilary Duff's husband)
The third most-asked question this week, after "Did you know that Hilary Duff is pregnant?" and "Who the hell cares?" is "Who the hell is Mike Comrie?" The answer: an NHL career journeyman, which is like the double whammy of major-league irrelevancy.

rophies Without Trophies
We'll come out and say it: Attractive women get a lot of attention in sports. For better or worse, these sexy sportswomen usually get better spreads in Sports Illustrated than in Vegas.
Anna Kournikova
The prototypical hot female athlete who can't and shouldn't be taken seriously, winning far more Sexiest Women titles than WTA singles tournaments. And we don't really have to count, because the latter is zero.

Maria Sharapova
When the relative unknown upset Serena Williams at Wimbledon at the age of 17, hopes were high that we'd found a leggy yet legit tennis player. But a string of injuries and Grand Slam disappointments later, the undoubtedly talented Sharapova is still raking in more attention from her swimsuit shoots, and more money from her record endorsement deal with Nike, than from her success on the court.

Michelle Wie
It's hard to live up to being hyped as a phenom since the age of 13, but winning more than two LPGA tournaments would be a good step. More proof that the only missing pieces from Annika Sörenstam's career were pin-up good looks and not being accused of being a man.

Danica Patrick
Unlike Tiger, it's not for past success that Danica Patrick's results get Woods-like special placement in every race update. Being the most successful woman in IndyCar and NASCAR history is a feel-good story; all those GoDaddy.com commercials, though, feel decidedly less clean.

Too Big to Fail
It's not all gossip rags and lad mags. These athletes have seen their share of sporting accomplishments—but for one reason or another, their brands are bigger than their bite.
Andy Roddick
Maybe he's had tragically poor timing. Maybe the prime of his career was snuffed out by one Roger Federer. Either way, as it stands, Andy Roddick is most famous for his supersonic serve, marrying this fetching lady, and the rest of his tennis game, in that order.

Yao Ming
He coulda been a contender. It's not the gentle giant's fault that "when healthy" will always be a glaring disclaimer to his often-dominant game. Nor is it the fault of millions of Chinese fans that they've had exactly one good reason to watch the NBA, and one shoo-in All-Star vote. Yao's global reach and impact make him a good candidate for the nebulous criteria of the Basketball Hall of Fame. His on-court career? Sadly, not so much.

David Beckham
Though the twice-runner-up for FIFA Player of the Year has had a fine career, it has long since taken a backseat to underwear ads and forming a power couple with Posh Spice. The only thing getting bent these days is L.A. Galaxy fans, as their cast-off Euro superstar spends most of his time either loafing around or being injured.

Apolo Ohno
What does it take for a speed skater to become a huge celebrity? Our quadrennial national fervor for sports we otherwise never watch is probably most of it; otherwise, Americans have probably seen more of him dancing with the stars than skating on the ice.

Dale Earnhardt, Jr.
It's easier to become one of the biggest names in NASCAR when your name comes from, well, one of the biggest names in NASCAR. Otherwise, 18 total Sprint Cup wins and zero championships doesn't translate into being the highest-paid driver in the sport.

Chad Ochocinco
Somewhere between the finely planned and heavily fined touchdown celebrations and the 2.6 million Twitter followers was an explosive All-Pro receiver. Too bad Chad seems to have lost a step in recent years without gaining a verbal filter; bets are on as to whether Eight Five will have more 1,000-yard seasons or name changes from here on out.

Joe Namath
Before we get Mean Green paint poured all over our cars, Broadway Joe is one of the coolest athletes of all time. He deserves credit for sporting a badass fur coat, as well the gigantic brass pair it must've taken to guarantee victory over the Colts in Super Bowl III. That said, a 50.1% completion percentage, a 2-1 record in the playoffs, and 173 touchdowns to 220 picks aren't exactly legendary. In fact, Super Bowl aside, the rest of Namath's playing career probably comes third on his list of accomplishments, behind inspiring Kissing Suzy Kolber.

The Kardashian Annex
Not only can no one explain why they're famous, they've taken a whole crew of paramours along for the ride.
Lamar Odom
Sorry Lamar, but your Sixth Man of the Year award can't atone for marrying the most-maligned Kardashian sister and being plastered all over reality television. Stick to being the Lakers' all-purpose big man and WTF-tastic PowerBar commercials, though, and you might be all right.

Kris Humphries
Look, we like Kris Humphries. Dude can rock a swimsuit. But being an above-average forward for the Nets is invariably going to be overshadowed by marrying a Kardashian. Best of luck, Kris. Your wife is currently filing a lawsuit because someone looks like her, so you'll need it.

Bret Lockett
When you're an undrafted special teams player with seven tackles to your NFL career, a good way to upgrade your name cachet is alleging an affair with a famous socialite you've never met. In the words of TMZ: "Here comes the lawsuit!" On the plus side, it probably beats "Here comes Kris Humphries!"

Reggie Bush
After a Heisman-winning career at USC, the second pick in the 2006 draft has spent most of his time in the NFL producing middling stats yet being lauded by Saints brass as a critical part of their offense—so important that they traded him to the Dolphins this offseason as a salary dump. But hey, at least he isn't Matt Leinart.

"Ballers" used loosely: Whether with their teams or around paparazzi, these guys are usually in the way of someone else's shot.
Marko Jaric (Adrianna Lima's husband)
One of these things, an NBA no-name last seen playing in Italy, is not like the other, a Victoria's Secret model and our de facto Miss Universe. But you already knew there is no God, right?
Hank Baskett (Kendra Wilkinson's husband)
When Baskett's Colts and fellow E!-lister Reggie Bush's Saints met in Super Bowl XLIV, it was billed by some (hint: not us) as "Kendra versus Kim." While Bush added to a career full of nondescript performances, Baskett had the only notable one of his, bouncing off his facemask the surprise onside kick that led to the Saints' momentum-shifting score. So, guess we know who won that battle: the people of New Orleans.
Eric Johnson (Jessica Simpson's fiancé)
Even the most bigoted Romophobe would have to admit that this former tight end, whose NFL stint lasted all of seven seasons, is a downgrade from Tony in the career department.
Mike Fisher (Carrie Underwood's husband)
See Simpson, Jessica. Though if someone watched hockey, they'd make the case that the Nashville Predators center is actually a pretty good player. That's your cue, guys. Anyone?
Mike Comrie (Hilary Duff's husband)
The third most-asked question this week, after "Did you know that Hilary Duff is pregnant?" and "Who the hell cares?" is "Who the hell is Mike Comrie?" The answer: an NHL career journeyman, which is like the double whammy of major-league irrelevancy.
rophies Without Trophies
We'll come out and say it: Attractive women get a lot of attention in sports. For better or worse, these sexy sportswomen usually get better spreads in Sports Illustrated than in Vegas.
Anna Kournikova
The prototypical hot female athlete who can't and shouldn't be taken seriously, winning far more Sexiest Women titles than WTA singles tournaments. And we don't really have to count, because the latter is zero.
Maria Sharapova
When the relative unknown upset Serena Williams at Wimbledon at the age of 17, hopes were high that we'd found a leggy yet legit tennis player. But a string of injuries and Grand Slam disappointments later, the undoubtedly talented Sharapova is still raking in more attention from her swimsuit shoots, and more money from her record endorsement deal with Nike, than from her success on the court.
Michelle Wie
It's hard to live up to being hyped as a phenom since the age of 13, but winning more than two LPGA tournaments would be a good step. More proof that the only missing pieces from Annika Sörenstam's career were pin-up good looks and not being accused of being a man.
Danica Patrick
Unlike Tiger, it's not for past success that Danica Patrick's results get Woods-like special placement in every race update. Being the most successful woman in IndyCar and NASCAR history is a feel-good story; all those GoDaddy.com commercials, though, feel decidedly less clean.
Too Big to Fail
It's not all gossip rags and lad mags. These athletes have seen their share of sporting accomplishments—but for one reason or another, their brands are bigger than their bite.
Andy Roddick
Maybe he's had tragically poor timing. Maybe the prime of his career was snuffed out by one Roger Federer. Either way, as it stands, Andy Roddick is most famous for his supersonic serve, marrying this fetching lady, and the rest of his tennis game, in that order.
Yao Ming
He coulda been a contender. It's not the gentle giant's fault that "when healthy" will always be a glaring disclaimer to his often-dominant game. Nor is it the fault of millions of Chinese fans that they've had exactly one good reason to watch the NBA, and one shoo-in All-Star vote. Yao's global reach and impact make him a good candidate for the nebulous criteria of the Basketball Hall of Fame. His on-court career? Sadly, not so much.
David Beckham
Though the twice-runner-up for FIFA Player of the Year has had a fine career, it has long since taken a backseat to underwear ads and forming a power couple with Posh Spice. The only thing getting bent these days is L.A. Galaxy fans, as their cast-off Euro superstar spends most of his time either loafing around or being injured.
Apolo Ohno
What does it take for a speed skater to become a huge celebrity? Our quadrennial national fervor for sports we otherwise never watch is probably most of it; otherwise, Americans have probably seen more of him dancing with the stars than skating on the ice.
Dale Earnhardt, Jr.
It's easier to become one of the biggest names in NASCAR when your name comes from, well, one of the biggest names in NASCAR. Otherwise, 18 total Sprint Cup wins and zero championships doesn't translate into being the highest-paid driver in the sport.
Chad Ochocinco
Somewhere between the finely planned and heavily fined touchdown celebrations and the 2.6 million Twitter followers was an explosive All-Pro receiver. Too bad Chad seems to have lost a step in recent years without gaining a verbal filter; bets are on as to whether Eight Five will have more 1,000-yard seasons or name changes from here on out.
Joe Namath
Before we get Mean Green paint poured all over our cars, Broadway Joe is one of the coolest athletes of all time. He deserves credit for sporting a badass fur coat, as well the gigantic brass pair it must've taken to guarantee victory over the Colts in Super Bowl III. That said, a 50.1% completion percentage, a 2-1 record in the playoffs, and 173 touchdowns to 220 picks aren't exactly legendary. In fact, Super Bowl aside, the rest of Namath's playing career probably comes third on his list of accomplishments, behind inspiring Kissing Suzy Kolber.
The Kardashian Annex
Not only can no one explain why they're famous, they've taken a whole crew of paramours along for the ride.
Lamar Odom
Sorry Lamar, but your Sixth Man of the Year award can't atone for marrying the most-maligned Kardashian sister and being plastered all over reality television. Stick to being the Lakers' all-purpose big man and WTF-tastic PowerBar commercials, though, and you might be all right.
Kris Humphries
Look, we like Kris Humphries. Dude can rock a swimsuit. But being an above-average forward for the Nets is invariably going to be overshadowed by marrying a Kardashian. Best of luck, Kris. Your wife is currently filing a lawsuit because someone looks like her, so you'll need it.
Bret Lockett
When you're an undrafted special teams player with seven tackles to your NFL career, a good way to upgrade your name cachet is alleging an affair with a famous socialite you've never met. In the words of TMZ: "Here comes the lawsuit!" On the plus side, it probably beats "Here comes Kris Humphries!"
Reggie Bush
After a Heisman-winning career at USC, the second pick in the 2006 draft has spent most of his time in the NFL producing middling stats yet being lauded by Saints brass as a critical part of their offense—so important that they traded him to the Dolphins this offseason as a salary dump. But hey, at least he isn't Matt Leinart.
Ready to Fly: Soaring Suit Style
For much of the post-Jordan era, the dunk was comatose. It had devolved into an act of empty, peacocky machismo, valuable only for those rare, delightfully deflating moments when the ball clanged off the rim and into the fifth row. But in 2011, we witnessed a genuine dunk renaissance, one where every morning YouTube buzzed with clips of the previous night's most preposterous in-game jams. Credit goes largely to Los Angeles Clippers rookie Blake Griffin, a muscular six-ten power forward who launches himself at the rim with more velocity and elasticity than any big man has a right to. In February, he won the first dunk contest in years that anyone will actually remember, leaping over a Kia with a gospel choir behind him. Griffin, though, prefers not to dwell on the memory. The dunks that matter to him are the ones that count for two points in actual games. And even those, Griffin talks about more as a solution to a problem than as an act of conquest. "Everything's moving so quickly, you have to be creative on the fly," he says. "Whoever's in your way, it's the most surefire way of finishing."
But this isn't a one-man renaissance. Basketball snobs, for instance, think the Washington Wizards' seven-footer JaVale McGee should have won this year's dunk-contest crown on pure merits. (Two dunks at once! On two separate rims!) And then there are the (comparatively) little guys, Los Angeles Lakers shooting guard Shannon Brown, who's six four, and Oklahoma City Thunder point guard Russell Westbrook, who's six three and talks about his dunks like they're out-of-body experiences. "Sometimes I don't think dunk," he says. "It happens so quickly, I don't know what's happened."
Griffin and Westbrook are opposite extremes with one thing in common: A decade ago, players like them weren't getting up like this. Big men now bring some of the most acrobatic moves, and a team's playmaker can serve up a ruthless facial. It used to be, everyone wanted to be like Mike. Today the dunk is whatever anyone can make of it—which is why it's been reborn.
Russell Westbrook
Age: 23
College: UCLA
NBA: Oklahoma City Thunder
"Sometimes I don't think dunk. It happens so quickly, I don't know what's happened."
Build on the Fundamentals
Nothing's more conservative than navy, but you don't have to look stiff. Add some razzle-dazzle with a colorful tie and socks.
Suit, $2,060 by Prada. Shirt, $345 by Ermenegildo Zegna. Tie, $125 by David Hart & Co. Shoes, $295 by Allen Edmonds. Socks by Falke. Tie bar and pocket square by The Tie Bar. Watch by Hermès.
Andre Iguodala
Age: 27
College: University of Arizona
NBA: Philadelphia 76ers
"When I dunk, I'm in the air for a while, almost in a daze or a trance. I embrace the moment and let everyone take their pictures."
Play as a Team
Looking for a fresh way to bring some synergy to your shirt, tie, and socks? Try variations on a single color.
Suit (Made-To-Measure), $3,995, and tie, $95, by Ralph Lauren Black Label. Shirt (Made-To-Measure), $600, and pocket square by Ralph Lauren Purple Label. Watch by Ralph Lauren Watches. Loafers, $570 by Salvatore Ferragamo. Socks by Pantherella
Blake Griffin
Age: 22
College: University of Oklahoma
NBA: Los Angeles Clippers
"Guys get to prepare before the dunk contest. In a game, I have to be creative on the fly. That's the ultimate challenge."
Get Loose
Just because you're wearing a suit doesn't mean you have to reach for a tie and wingtips every time. A polo and classic sneakers can be a game changer.
Suit (Made-To-Order), $2,900, polo shirt, $395, sweater, $495, watch and bracelet by Gucci. Sneakers, $88 by Nike. Socks by Smart Turnout.
JaVale McGee
Age: 23
College: University of Nevada, Reno
NBA: Washington Wizards
"If you're just dunking by yourself, it's really nothing special. You have to dunk on someone—then you feel like you're demoralizing them."
Develop a Strong Defense
Don't play scared with your plaids—be aggressive. It's about finding a mix that feels right and sporting it with confidence.
Suit (Made-To-Order), $4,290, shirt (Made-To-Order), $560, tie, $235, and pocket square by Tom Ford.
Shannon Brown
Age: 25
College: Michigan State
NBA: Los Angeles Lakers
"I remember being in the eighth grade, trying to dunk with a volleyball. I kept trying and kept trying but couldn't do it—until that first time...."
Stay in Bounds
If you want to work louder pieces like cardigans, saddle shoes, caps, and even some serious jewelry into your rotation, keep the suit quiet with a solid color.
Suit, $598, and shirt, $78, by Tommy Hilfiger. Cardigan, $795 by Gucci. Shoes, $198 by Cole Haan. Socks by Pantherella. Cap by Express.
Will America Ever Catch the Formula One Bug?
My money has it that Sebastian Vettel is the world's most popular athlete you've never heard of. Each weekend that Formula One car racing—of which he is the 24-year-old, two-time reigning series champion—pitches its Grand Prix spectacle in places like Kuala Lumpur and Sao Paulo, the bulk of the sport's 500 million viewers (that's Super Bowl numbers, five-fold) tune in to track Vettel and his rivals as they whip the fastest, most sophisticated race cars on earth around circuits shaped like those pretzel paper clips meant for extra-long documents. But in the U.S., where Formula One has flailed with mixed success over the decades, the supremacy of a driver like Vettel hardly registers as a radar blip. So that when he, say, finds himself in Times Square on a whim this summer, snapping self-cellpics as though he's finally arrived, the effect is illusory; where typically there are incapacitating mobs, there is instead a vacuum of attention. "It's just so funny to go some places where people don't mind your presence, all because they don't know," Vettel would tell me a few months later. "It's nice, it gives you a certain freedom—the freedom to relax."
The question of whether two or five or ten years will undo that freedom is what's on everyone's mind when, in late October, Formula One announces that an American Grand Prix, run on a street course in New Jersey just across the Hudson from Manhattan, has locked up a ten-year deal beginning in 2013. This on the heels of F1 committing Austin to ten years on the race calendar beginning next November. It was happening whether we knew it or cared; a bet had been wagered.
If you're like me (until recently), though, you've retained only the vaguest information about F1 over your years—fragments that when downloaded in full are sort of haikuish in their elusive density:
Enzo Ferrari
Stewart Senna Schumacher
Monaco Grand Prix
I'd always comprehended that those words stood for something larger than I could quite fix in my head, a sporting universe that blended the most talented of (foreign-sounding) driver with the most imaginative of (foreign-sounding) engineer—a mix leavened with billions of dollars provided by the sort of borderless enthusiasts who tend to have more in common with one another than with their own countrymen. I'd nonetheless relegated F1 to a place of deferent ignorance. Then, though, this spring, I experienced a 105-minute piece of conversion footage. It was a documentary on the racing life of divisive, transcendent Brazilian F1 champ Ayrton Senna—whose on-track death in 1994 was the sport's last. It worked me over and left me suddenly wanting, the way a language does the first time you register its meaning thoughtlessly. I started reading about Grands Prix on Monday mornings, Vettel's dismantling of opponents in the 2011 season. Historic, weighty races on circuits called Spa (Belgium), Monza (Italy), and Silverstone (England)—the same grounds that saw F1's first champions, fifty years ago, crashing into spectators like cyclists in the Tour de France. I read books about drivers, tuned in to podium ceremonies. I was ready for Austin, though it would be a long wait. Then I got an email: How would I like to see Sebastian Vettel do his thing up close?
In the garage of Red Bull Racing, F1's top team, I'm less than a car length from Vettel as he prepares for the qualifying hour of the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix. The qualifying hour: I mean that literally. For sixty minutes, at precisely timed intervals, the field of 24 drivers (who are two to a team, each team lined up by order of season success—Red Bull, therefore, in the leading garage—right on down the pit lane) participate in a shootout that will set the starting positions for tomorrow's main event. We're about fifteen minutes out from the green, and shrill pneumatics occupy the volume of the garage the way the sound of a dentist's drill fills an open mouth.
Vettel is sitting at the back of the garage, which after several days of practice runs and expensive tinkering, is still clean and bright, the floor white and wetly reflective, like ice after a zamboni pass. The garage is split into zones, some off-limit sectors near the back, obscured by plastic barriers, and then an invisible line that cuts the garage in half dividing the two Red Bull drivers, Vettel and Aussie Mark Webber. (Webber, eleven years Vettel's senior, has been a consistent top finisher during an impressive, abiding career, but I get the sense over the course of the weekend that few things must make one more aware of one's limits that sharing a team with a precocious champion who might become the best of all time.)
The crew, roughly 30 in all, works for both drivers, but during Qualifying, they are split. Vettel's team is made up of guys with names like Bal and Ole and Gareth. They handle the equipment expertly, if a little passionlessly. An exposed patch near the tail of Vettel's car divulges some of the truth of the insides: gold tin foil and silver tape that I've only ever seen in pictures of the lunar module from the '60s. The mechanics each go about their business, and while the roles are surely imperative and distinct, the guys also seem (by these untested eyes) kind of interchangeable, like machine parts. They are of varied age and weight, and some have lost their hair.
The same cannot be said about the drivers, up and down the pit lane, who for the most part, look uncharacteristically welcoming of the race-car-driver stereotype. Go to Google and do some gazing: Lewis Hamilton, Jenson Button, Fernando Alonso, Webber—they are often shot with their girlfriends on golden-banistered boats, sort of like world-famous soccer players, but more formidable, somehow, more handsome: better jawlines, better hair.
Vettel, it should be said, doesn't look so much like the others. There at the back of the garage, he's taking counsel from an older Austrian called "Dr. Marko" who is blind in one eye (its plug was pulled by a stone thrown from a rival's tire during the '72 French GP) that lingers in middle-distance. Vettel is only 5'8" (most racers are on the shorter side; the lighter the driver, the quicker the ride), but his hunch—the shoulders of someone much less accomplished—shaves off another inch or two. His hair never looks like it's been cut recently, even when it has, and it's curly and falls off all edges of his head like a hanging garden. His mouth seems filled with extra teeth, and though he smiles easily, the expression he slips with little thought is a sort of mouth shrug. When he's listening to anyone—questions from the media, instructions from Red Bull's team manager, advice from Dr. Marko—he mouth-shrugs and flickers his eyebrows as if to say: "Ah, I hadn't thought of that before, but now that you mention it..."
Vettel is wearing his racing suit, an orderly work of red and blue Red Bull things, and other affiliates who pay millions of dollars for mere square inches of real estate on his chest. He hops onto a scale behind one of the opaque dividers (drivers are weighed before every stage of competition), and swigs from a water bottle designed to look like an extra-extra-energizing can of Red Bull. He pulls the fire-retardant head sock over the mop, yanks some expensive communication wires around, works his helmet down to his shoulders, and lowers himself into his seat. The mechanics shift into positions like dancers just before the music. One sticks a long prod up the rear of the car and manually fires it into a teeth-melting idle. (It should be said that all the things anyone has told you about visceral closeness to motor sports is true, and that's not just—but especially—the case with F1: If you've never heard a race car except through a television, it's tough to shape the resonance with description. But, for the game of it: Think of the loudest concert you've ever attended, and maybe a moment when the guitarist and drummer were both getting primal; now take that noise, and expand it by proximity (if you were, say, onstage between that guitarist and that drummer), and then layer in the kind of woman-howl associated with curly Brits like Plant or Daltrey—and then maybe you'll have a sense of what it's like when the cars whip out of the garage for Qualifying.)
The way it works is all 24 drivers get 20 minutes to post a lap time to their liking. After 20 minutes, the slowest seven drivers are knocked out (and ranked on the grid in starting positions 18 through 24 for the main event), while the remaining drivers return to the pits for a timed seven-minute recess, fuel up, change the tires, address concerns from the driver, like: "I've got limited control on the rear right tire in both the entry and exit of turn seven." And then the mechanics, each wearing "Gives You Wings" belts, translate that downloaded "feel" from the drivers—combined with computer readings that look from a distance like heartbeats—into tightening of bolts and the reduction of tire pressure.
Which all sounds unnecessarily complex, I know. Foreign gearheads indulging in the exponent of their mechanical passions, for an audience who's merely responding to the speed. But remember, this is all on the clock, and it all matters imperatively. The Abu Dhabi track is tough to pass other drivers on; your starting position affects your race destiny more than any other factor. We're talking about hundredths of seconds separating top slots.
Before long, Vettel and Webber return to the track for "Q2," the second Qualifying session, during which the 17 remaining drivers will be reduced to the fastest ten. As a worthy side note: It's astonishing to me how quickly the top five drivers distance themselves from the others. Vettel, Webber, Hamilton, Button, Alonso. Only twice all season has any other driver finished on podium (in the top 3), the five battling each other incessantly at the front of every race. In Q2, they post the five quickest lap times—and do it almost instantly.
At the conclusion of Q2, Vettel and Webber return to the garage for one final tune-up. Cloth bags of dry ice are placed in the drivers' laps. One of the mechanics, a vaguely Wayne Rooney-ish type, blasts a teammate in the face with AC. The cars are running well; everything's cool.
At once, Hamilton and Button, teammates on Red Bull rival McLaren, are on-track in the final qualifying round, and they're pushing lap times to unmatchable lows. I hadn't noticed at first, but Vettel and his team have rigged it so that his is the last car out of the pits for the final lap. Button is in front of Hamilton is in front of Vettel, as the hour ticks down to zero. The crew watches from the garage on the television, crossed-legged right over left, as Vettel seems to clip thousandths off of Hamilton's lead at each timed marker. Suddenly, within the span of no time, Button crosses the finish line to post the low lap of the hour, followed seconds later by Hamilton who posts the new fastest lap, leaving only Vettel on the track.
The Red Bull crew barks coaxings at the television. Vettel cuts wide off the edge of the last turn and appears to the camera that's fixed at the foot of the home stretch. He blisters a line that pulls him into the center of the track, over the stripes of the starting grid, and across the sensor that makes the clock stop.
Later, a former F1 champion who was calling color on the Qualifier for BBC told me that Vettel didn't detectably blink the entire lap, not once. Nearly two minutes of hot focus, and then at the instant he hit the mark, his gaze directed not toward the lap time on his steering wheel, but rather to the enormous digital display above him on-track, which though appearing too fuzzy with body vibration to make out details, would flash either yellow (too slow) or green (fast enough). When green, there was a staticky animal sound from Vettel over the radio, and his engineer replied, impossibly cool: "Fantastic, Seb, you delivered under pressure. You've matched one of the all-time greats"—a reference to the fact that Vettel had just tied the all-time F1 record for most pole positions (14 in just 18 races) in a single season. He would break the record this past weekend during the year's final race in Brazil.
It was just the Qualifying run, but it spoke directly to the American sports fan. Vettel, after all, won on a buzzer beater. He had already claimed 11 of the season's 17 Grands Prix to that point, and finished runner-up on another four occasions. He'd relegated his four closest rivals to a season-long battle for second. Here, in Qualifying, the door had slipped open, just a crack, for mere seconds, and he'd shut it swiftly, at the last possible moment. It had gone this way all season; Sunday felt already half-written.
***
There are other things that happen on Grand Prix weekends. During one of the practice sessions, I go for a walk along the corniche that separates the track from a man-made marina. Docked there are big yachts, as big as any I've seen, most populated by a dozen or fewer people who have the same complexion as the others on their boat. One yacht is from Australia, one from India, another from Qatar, just up the Gulf.
As I turn a sharp corner, I come to a previously concealed pocket of the marina, where the yachts seem twice as large. It's still early afternoon, and so the obligatory speaker sounds are pulsey, but half-hearted. One boat, called "Moonlight," has a pair of velvet ropes, and six or so hand-assembled shoe racks propped on the dock. "No shoes allowed"; this is where the biggest crowd is hanging out. Across the marina is a Cipriani (yes) that looks like a product of Ferran Adria's post-Bulli experimental kitchen. And then another ninety-degree corner, and this is where the really big boats are. The ones that beg the question: Why spend $150 million on a ship when you could buy an island? To which the response—you need something to transport you to the island you already own, obvs—is probably rhetorical.
One of these yachts, on which a captain-servant buffs a silver entryway column, is glugging gallons per second from somewhere beneath the waterline. I wonder if it's sinking, this small floating city. It turns out this is "Moonlight II." I fixate on how lowly and gauche those first yachts I'd seen seemed now. In the face of "Moonlight II," even as it possibly sits there slowly sinking, too large for anyone to pay mind to the effects of a hole on the starboard side, I know that no one here to watch the Grand Prix in Abu Dhabi would rather be anywhere than aboard the biggest boat in the marina. That "Moonlight" is nothing so long as there is "Moonlight II," until I turn a corner and see, there across another inlet, where the truly big boats are docked...
I'd registered this feeling before. Two summers ago, on the flats of the middlemost Midwest, I attended the Indy 500 for the first time. The engines rattled me in those powerful, important ways that they do during your first time; the speed of the straights I couldn't stop talking about for weeks. I stood there ten feet away as eventual-champion Dario Franchitti pitted, and then rolled into the winner's alley of America's most storied racetrack. Franchitti, to me, was this confirmed ideal of a motorsportsman—handsome, accented, married to super-cool-chick Ashley Judd. And then I heard about Vettel. That Franchitti was fine, his race car plenty quick—but that the top global series was so far advanced that Franchitti, a Scotsman, could hardly get a tryout. There was a reason all those half-talents at Indy were stuck spending weekends in Iowa and Kentucky, while Vettel and company stamped their passports in Singapore and Bahrain. I'd turned the corner, seen the bigger boat.
And so at night, from the marina the enthusiasts spring to the clubs. For plenty on Saturday evening, the first stop is the edible-seeming Cipriani, where there are two red ropes, followed by an elevator check, enforced further by a black rope, before entrance is granted to the inside. If you've ever been in a place that's overly-indulgent in its own mystique of serious pleasure, this is not quite it. It's too early, I think. Britney Spears performed somewhere last night; Paul McCartney's not till tomorrow. But in the meantime, people are laughing plenty, horsing around. Telling pretty, young acquaintances, "Well, I own fifty companies," and then taking shit from their older wives for saying so. There's a guy who looks like that blonde '80s actor who was always beating up the Jewish and Italian high school nerds. (You know, the one from Cobra Kai...) Most of the people embrace one another the way old college buddies do at reunions.
I had assumed beforehand that an appeal of Formula One was its geographic diversity, its global variety, but it was quickly my impression that the greater fact, the truest appeal, for those pursuing these interests is that the Grand Prix experience is exactly the same at every stop, all season long. There is a sense, in the quality of clothing and the dismissiveness toward the help and the strange familiarity—this shared sort of easy-flowing, yet never-quite-proper English that must be the working language of sub-oligarchs—that many of these people, even if meeting for the first time tonight, will get along quite well together. In this way, F1 seems to summon rich people to the playground like a recess bell.
Someone has ordered a glass container of champagne that can hardly be called a bottle because it's even larger than the ones the race winner will shower his fans with on Sunday night. When a notable order is placed, a procession of lycra dresses and the girls they're half-concealing fire up sparklers and lead the purchase to its new owner. During each sparkler session, the dark goes light for a moment, the eyes of most men trailing one of the marching women whose ass looks as though it was conceived by a balloon artist. On one such occasion, I spot something across the room that's familiar, un-mistakable, from my neighborhood in New York: Adrien Brody's nose.
He's all alone, black blazer and black V-neck, thumbing his phone like a twelve-year-old whose friends are late meeting him at the movies. He looks around every few minutes, sadly, until finally a table of what appear to be rich, local Emiratis invites him to drink with them. Like me, he sips wordlessly, probably a little unsure. But then we are saved: a troupe of cross-dressing pirates appears. We can relax in our silence, and watch.
The pirates, mostly women with mascara mustaches doing a sort of Beaux Arts Jack Sparrow thing, assume a ballet dancer's fourth or fifth position atop scattered booths, and one, suitably flexible, arranges herself in a chandelier that's affixed with champagne bottles. The pirates are all clearly waiting for something to happen, for someone to start. But the DJ carries on aimlessly, sparking a fellow on the other side of the room, a pirate midget it turns out, to hop from his perch, commit to a short-legged sprint across the dance floor, and reprimand the DJ for his mis-timing. Then it happens: the music is cued, the dancing commences, the champagne-chandelier acrobat twists toward the ceiling. Adrien Brody looks happier.
Later that night, in a temporary, puffed-up performance tent in a parking lot that ends inelegantly at desert and nothing, Fatboy Slim is helicoptering his arms and his hands and everyone is having an even better time. Suddenly, it is quite late, and there are two 20-something Americans pulling my cocktail from my fingers, and stealing two-handed sips for themselves. He is from Kentucky, and she from Chicago, and they both work in Dubai. It's funny how quickly that composite foreign-English becomes normative, and a North Shore beeaathroom begins to impress as kind of downtrodden and distant. They are as uncertain about my presence here as I am. The guy starts telling me all the things he thinks I should know about the region, and before long he seizes on a point that is plagued by an echoey punchline: "...and the PAKISTANIS clean it up!" This bothers him. This disparity, which so clearly exists, between upper-class Arabs, expat whites, and the hidden scores of brown-skinned people from Asia and Africa who hold doors and sweep floors, etc. His volume is making the girl nervous. "The Pakistanis! White man... PAKISTANIS!!" he says. A guy in a striped shirt near me dances like one of those sand-bottomed inflatable clowns, and the kid from Kentucky gets right up inside my ear, grips my shirt: "The PakiSTANis, man. That's what you WRITE about. That's what you write aBOUT." It goes on until the girl becomes so visibly, facially upset that she drags him away by the shirtsleeve and starts lighting into him to get it together. He gives one of those "What?! What?!" heaving body shrugs, and then they're gone.
I don't meet another American for the rest of the trip, but I fall asleep that morning, race morning, with the paradoxical thought that, as on most days back home, Adrien Brody is somewhere close, lying next to someone beautiful, or no one at all.
It's probably the case that Abu Dhabi benefits from a major racecar event as much as F1 profits from a new regional market possessing of solvent oil wealth. It's trickier to pin down what good F1 and the U.S. will be for one another.
After all, we have NASCAR, a motorsport series that hosts events 38 weekends a year and seems to lead SportsCenter with defiant frequency. But any fan (or member of the opposition) will be quick to acknowledge the line in this country dividing passion and disinterest. It effectively scribbles itself around an easily-identifiable Red America, and for the near future, NASCAR in all its big and brash color, stands to keep on signifying that half of the culture.
And yet there is a habit, it seems, among foreign F1 types I speak with, to make no distinction between the two dissonant halves hashing it out politically and otherwise in the U.S. at present. The NASCAR crowd, they presume, is America, the whole of it. And so their reasonable move toward assimilation begins with borrowing from the proven, successful qualities of the oval racers.
"I've seen the fans of NASCAR," 2008 F1 Series champ Lewis Hamilton says. "And while I've never been to a race, the feeling is that it's very much a family sport, where families drive down in their RVs, park up, and watch the race from their motor home all weekend. When F1 comes to the States, that still needs to be possible. Additionally, by contrast to NASCAR, F1 is very private. There is no way you can get access to the drivers; I don't know how we in the sport can be more accommodating of that. But we are doing more signing sessions and that sort of thing outside the circuit so you can see the fans a bit more...." Mark Webber, Vettel's Red Bull teammate, builds on the bit about driver accessibility: "If we need to do anything better, it's what we do for the fans. Americans always do a huge amount for the fans, great interaction, especially in NASCAR."
It's my impression, though, after a weekend at the circuit, that F1 should be less concerned with mimicking the moves of NASCAR than standing as a clear alternative—in particular, for the politically blue sports fan who has long balked at the fuss surrounding NASCAR. Sure, it can be tough to stomach the Monaco-style vanity-glam of Formula One, but just as every NASCAR fan isn't taking a keg of Bud Light to the face while grillin' out in his camo trucker hat, not every F1-er is mustering strength to aggressively offend your sensibility with his popped polo (the one with the big horse), driving mocs, and extra-tall girlfriend. In the end, there are allegiances to the teams and drivers, and a reverence of the past that's not unlike our romanticism of, say, baseball. "The history is the attraction," Webber says. "Some of the tracks we've been racing on since the '50s. And it's amazing how many times you hear 'My grandson, my father, my grandfather....' The generations go through it. So obviously the new markets we're hitting are in a very embryonic stage; it'll take a little while to catch up." He considers this. "But then of course, if you have a driver of your own nationality..."
So the concern of how to roll out the new era lingers. "It's really a matter of getting the car in front of people," Hamilton says. "Once you hear it and see it, feel the noise—then maybe they'll turn out for a race. I don't quite know how F1 will play in Oklahoma and places like that, but every time I'm in L.A., I swear more people recognize me—genuine fans." Which begs the question: is Austin really the right play? Or to the coasts instead?
On Sunday afternoon, about forty minutes out from sunset, the cars in the starting grid take off to run through their warm-up lap. The sound is enormous, the work of the swarm. After the tense and thrilling conclusion of Qualifying, the scene is set for a 55-lap, day-into-evening Grand Prix that should last about two hours. The pits are stirring, the cars return to their hold on the starting grid. And once each of the noses have suspended their forward motion, the lights go green, and the pack of twenty-four are gunning for Turn One, a hard left that Vettel, from pole, takes easily. He has maintained his lead, and though it's only been three or four seconds, he seems to have picked up some thousandths on Hamilton in second.
But in the instant of a thunder-smack, Vettel is suddenly off-course, his rear right tire blown to pieces. There's a gasp in the Red Bull garage. From the runover grass, he throttles the car forward down the track, but his pace is slashed, and the full field is by him. It takes too long for Vettel to get to the pits; if he's to remain within a plausible length of contention, it'll require fast work by the mechanics. But after that rear right tire is removed, the mechanics bearing witness to the suspension damage slump in resignation.
Vettel does his part to remain cool. He resists throwing his helmet or his gloves. He runs his hands through his hair, and then makes a gesture that reads like: "The tire was perfectly round one instant, and then it came apart...." He doesn't yell at any of the mechanics, nor hang his head in near-tears. Part of the reason might be because there are TV cameras up in his space, monitoring the heavily-favored star of the series—knocked out of his first race of the season, and in less than five seconds. One cameraman just stands there, inches away, watching Vettel wonder what went wrong. Later, Vettel will say that he may have taken Turn One too sharp, that he punctured the tire because of an aggressive first move. All I know is that the moment meant something to me, serving as I was as this temporary steward to the gently curious American sports fan—charged with determining just how badly we really need Formula One. Here was the star, the lead reason to watch, and he was done already.
Imagine if this happens in Austin in November, if the best driver on earth crashes out in Turn Two. Sure, it's about as likely as Aaron Rodgers getting concussed during the first play from scrimmage at the Super Bowl, or Tiger Woods (rather: good, c.2000 Tiger Woods) breaking his wrist on the first hole Thursday morning at the Masters—but those events don't need for everything to go perfectly. F1, by contrast, has no margin. All the drivers I speak with are both right and wrong—we fans must be exposed to the cars, to the drivers, to the stuff surrounding the sport. But what we need more than anything is a great race. High-stakes competition, blood rivalry, the most exhilarating performances by the most skilled drivers of the most powerful cars in the world.
Instead of retiring to a locker room to sulk privately, Vettel catches his breath and then hustles over to the pit wall to join the team bosses while they direct Mark Webber through the remainder of his race. A mechanical issue during his first stop forces Webber to pit a third time, while the other leaders (three of those top five who always knock it out together) only pit twice. Lewis Hamilton wins, followed by Ferrari's Fernando Alonso, and Hamilton's McLaren teammate Jenson Button. It is a fine week for racing, except if you're Red Bull.
Then, as though to confirm my apprehension about the Vettel misstep, the week after I'm back in the States, the Austin race falls apart. They literally just stop building the track. No one knows for sure what happened, but the F1 brass keep alluding to a complex contract dispute with their stateside partners—the race's greater future uncertain. So we've got another year to figure it out, to get hungry. And isn't it just right that the new hopes rest on New York, then, the one place that could probably make it work. It's the right picture, isn't it? Yachts beating back against the summer Hudson current, sleep-eyed Upper Westsiders rising Grand Prix morning to the hornet drone of Vettel and co. revving for their practice lap on the New Jersey streets with probably the best view of the midtown Manhattan skyline. By then maybe we'll know his name.
To which it's worth pointing out that Mario Andretti won an F1 series in 1978, the last of just two champions from the States. Some other Americans followed him into the series, but few contended; it's just never seemed to stick. And yet the U.S. Grand Prix was a longtime stopover, run for decades in upstate New York at Watkins Glen, one of the drivers' favorites events (if only because it paid out an enormous purse). Later, attempts in Vegas and Dallas and Detroit predated a short, recent stretch during which they ran at Indy (where an F1-style segment was cut through the infield at the Motor Speedway)—before the event disappeared altogether. "I did my first ever race in Indianapolis, I loved it," Vettel says. "But surely Formula One hasn't always presented itself in a great way in America."
The question of whether two or five or ten years will undo that freedom is what's on everyone's mind when, in late October, Formula One announces that an American Grand Prix, run on a street course in New Jersey just across the Hudson from Manhattan, has locked up a ten-year deal beginning in 2013. This on the heels of F1 committing Austin to ten years on the race calendar beginning next November. It was happening whether we knew it or cared; a bet had been wagered.
If you're like me (until recently), though, you've retained only the vaguest information about F1 over your years—fragments that when downloaded in full are sort of haikuish in their elusive density:
Enzo Ferrari
Stewart Senna Schumacher
Monaco Grand Prix
I'd always comprehended that those words stood for something larger than I could quite fix in my head, a sporting universe that blended the most talented of (foreign-sounding) driver with the most imaginative of (foreign-sounding) engineer—a mix leavened with billions of dollars provided by the sort of borderless enthusiasts who tend to have more in common with one another than with their own countrymen. I'd nonetheless relegated F1 to a place of deferent ignorance. Then, though, this spring, I experienced a 105-minute piece of conversion footage. It was a documentary on the racing life of divisive, transcendent Brazilian F1 champ Ayrton Senna—whose on-track death in 1994 was the sport's last. It worked me over and left me suddenly wanting, the way a language does the first time you register its meaning thoughtlessly. I started reading about Grands Prix on Monday mornings, Vettel's dismantling of opponents in the 2011 season. Historic, weighty races on circuits called Spa (Belgium), Monza (Italy), and Silverstone (England)—the same grounds that saw F1's first champions, fifty years ago, crashing into spectators like cyclists in the Tour de France. I read books about drivers, tuned in to podium ceremonies. I was ready for Austin, though it would be a long wait. Then I got an email: How would I like to see Sebastian Vettel do his thing up close?
In the garage of Red Bull Racing, F1's top team, I'm less than a car length from Vettel as he prepares for the qualifying hour of the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix. The qualifying hour: I mean that literally. For sixty minutes, at precisely timed intervals, the field of 24 drivers (who are two to a team, each team lined up by order of season success—Red Bull, therefore, in the leading garage—right on down the pit lane) participate in a shootout that will set the starting positions for tomorrow's main event. We're about fifteen minutes out from the green, and shrill pneumatics occupy the volume of the garage the way the sound of a dentist's drill fills an open mouth.
Vettel is sitting at the back of the garage, which after several days of practice runs and expensive tinkering, is still clean and bright, the floor white and wetly reflective, like ice after a zamboni pass. The garage is split into zones, some off-limit sectors near the back, obscured by plastic barriers, and then an invisible line that cuts the garage in half dividing the two Red Bull drivers, Vettel and Aussie Mark Webber. (Webber, eleven years Vettel's senior, has been a consistent top finisher during an impressive, abiding career, but I get the sense over the course of the weekend that few things must make one more aware of one's limits that sharing a team with a precocious champion who might become the best of all time.)
The crew, roughly 30 in all, works for both drivers, but during Qualifying, they are split. Vettel's team is made up of guys with names like Bal and Ole and Gareth. They handle the equipment expertly, if a little passionlessly. An exposed patch near the tail of Vettel's car divulges some of the truth of the insides: gold tin foil and silver tape that I've only ever seen in pictures of the lunar module from the '60s. The mechanics each go about their business, and while the roles are surely imperative and distinct, the guys also seem (by these untested eyes) kind of interchangeable, like machine parts. They are of varied age and weight, and some have lost their hair.
The same cannot be said about the drivers, up and down the pit lane, who for the most part, look uncharacteristically welcoming of the race-car-driver stereotype. Go to Google and do some gazing: Lewis Hamilton, Jenson Button, Fernando Alonso, Webber—they are often shot with their girlfriends on golden-banistered boats, sort of like world-famous soccer players, but more formidable, somehow, more handsome: better jawlines, better hair.
Vettel, it should be said, doesn't look so much like the others. There at the back of the garage, he's taking counsel from an older Austrian called "Dr. Marko" who is blind in one eye (its plug was pulled by a stone thrown from a rival's tire during the '72 French GP) that lingers in middle-distance. Vettel is only 5'8" (most racers are on the shorter side; the lighter the driver, the quicker the ride), but his hunch—the shoulders of someone much less accomplished—shaves off another inch or two. His hair never looks like it's been cut recently, even when it has, and it's curly and falls off all edges of his head like a hanging garden. His mouth seems filled with extra teeth, and though he smiles easily, the expression he slips with little thought is a sort of mouth shrug. When he's listening to anyone—questions from the media, instructions from Red Bull's team manager, advice from Dr. Marko—he mouth-shrugs and flickers his eyebrows as if to say: "Ah, I hadn't thought of that before, but now that you mention it..."
Vettel is wearing his racing suit, an orderly work of red and blue Red Bull things, and other affiliates who pay millions of dollars for mere square inches of real estate on his chest. He hops onto a scale behind one of the opaque dividers (drivers are weighed before every stage of competition), and swigs from a water bottle designed to look like an extra-extra-energizing can of Red Bull. He pulls the fire-retardant head sock over the mop, yanks some expensive communication wires around, works his helmet down to his shoulders, and lowers himself into his seat. The mechanics shift into positions like dancers just before the music. One sticks a long prod up the rear of the car and manually fires it into a teeth-melting idle. (It should be said that all the things anyone has told you about visceral closeness to motor sports is true, and that's not just—but especially—the case with F1: If you've never heard a race car except through a television, it's tough to shape the resonance with description. But, for the game of it: Think of the loudest concert you've ever attended, and maybe a moment when the guitarist and drummer were both getting primal; now take that noise, and expand it by proximity (if you were, say, onstage between that guitarist and that drummer), and then layer in the kind of woman-howl associated with curly Brits like Plant or Daltrey—and then maybe you'll have a sense of what it's like when the cars whip out of the garage for Qualifying.)
The way it works is all 24 drivers get 20 minutes to post a lap time to their liking. After 20 minutes, the slowest seven drivers are knocked out (and ranked on the grid in starting positions 18 through 24 for the main event), while the remaining drivers return to the pits for a timed seven-minute recess, fuel up, change the tires, address concerns from the driver, like: "I've got limited control on the rear right tire in both the entry and exit of turn seven." And then the mechanics, each wearing "Gives You Wings" belts, translate that downloaded "feel" from the drivers—combined with computer readings that look from a distance like heartbeats—into tightening of bolts and the reduction of tire pressure.
Which all sounds unnecessarily complex, I know. Foreign gearheads indulging in the exponent of their mechanical passions, for an audience who's merely responding to the speed. But remember, this is all on the clock, and it all matters imperatively. The Abu Dhabi track is tough to pass other drivers on; your starting position affects your race destiny more than any other factor. We're talking about hundredths of seconds separating top slots.
Before long, Vettel and Webber return to the track for "Q2," the second Qualifying session, during which the 17 remaining drivers will be reduced to the fastest ten. As a worthy side note: It's astonishing to me how quickly the top five drivers distance themselves from the others. Vettel, Webber, Hamilton, Button, Alonso. Only twice all season has any other driver finished on podium (in the top 3), the five battling each other incessantly at the front of every race. In Q2, they post the five quickest lap times—and do it almost instantly.
At the conclusion of Q2, Vettel and Webber return to the garage for one final tune-up. Cloth bags of dry ice are placed in the drivers' laps. One of the mechanics, a vaguely Wayne Rooney-ish type, blasts a teammate in the face with AC. The cars are running well; everything's cool.
At once, Hamilton and Button, teammates on Red Bull rival McLaren, are on-track in the final qualifying round, and they're pushing lap times to unmatchable lows. I hadn't noticed at first, but Vettel and his team have rigged it so that his is the last car out of the pits for the final lap. Button is in front of Hamilton is in front of Vettel, as the hour ticks down to zero. The crew watches from the garage on the television, crossed-legged right over left, as Vettel seems to clip thousandths off of Hamilton's lead at each timed marker. Suddenly, within the span of no time, Button crosses the finish line to post the low lap of the hour, followed seconds later by Hamilton who posts the new fastest lap, leaving only Vettel on the track.
The Red Bull crew barks coaxings at the television. Vettel cuts wide off the edge of the last turn and appears to the camera that's fixed at the foot of the home stretch. He blisters a line that pulls him into the center of the track, over the stripes of the starting grid, and across the sensor that makes the clock stop.
Later, a former F1 champion who was calling color on the Qualifier for BBC told me that Vettel didn't detectably blink the entire lap, not once. Nearly two minutes of hot focus, and then at the instant he hit the mark, his gaze directed not toward the lap time on his steering wheel, but rather to the enormous digital display above him on-track, which though appearing too fuzzy with body vibration to make out details, would flash either yellow (too slow) or green (fast enough). When green, there was a staticky animal sound from Vettel over the radio, and his engineer replied, impossibly cool: "Fantastic, Seb, you delivered under pressure. You've matched one of the all-time greats"—a reference to the fact that Vettel had just tied the all-time F1 record for most pole positions (14 in just 18 races) in a single season. He would break the record this past weekend during the year's final race in Brazil.
It was just the Qualifying run, but it spoke directly to the American sports fan. Vettel, after all, won on a buzzer beater. He had already claimed 11 of the season's 17 Grands Prix to that point, and finished runner-up on another four occasions. He'd relegated his four closest rivals to a season-long battle for second. Here, in Qualifying, the door had slipped open, just a crack, for mere seconds, and he'd shut it swiftly, at the last possible moment. It had gone this way all season; Sunday felt already half-written.
***
There are other things that happen on Grand Prix weekends. During one of the practice sessions, I go for a walk along the corniche that separates the track from a man-made marina. Docked there are big yachts, as big as any I've seen, most populated by a dozen or fewer people who have the same complexion as the others on their boat. One yacht is from Australia, one from India, another from Qatar, just up the Gulf.
As I turn a sharp corner, I come to a previously concealed pocket of the marina, where the yachts seem twice as large. It's still early afternoon, and so the obligatory speaker sounds are pulsey, but half-hearted. One boat, called "Moonlight," has a pair of velvet ropes, and six or so hand-assembled shoe racks propped on the dock. "No shoes allowed"; this is where the biggest crowd is hanging out. Across the marina is a Cipriani (yes) that looks like a product of Ferran Adria's post-Bulli experimental kitchen. And then another ninety-degree corner, and this is where the really big boats are. The ones that beg the question: Why spend $150 million on a ship when you could buy an island? To which the response—you need something to transport you to the island you already own, obvs—is probably rhetorical.
One of these yachts, on which a captain-servant buffs a silver entryway column, is glugging gallons per second from somewhere beneath the waterline. I wonder if it's sinking, this small floating city. It turns out this is "Moonlight II." I fixate on how lowly and gauche those first yachts I'd seen seemed now. In the face of "Moonlight II," even as it possibly sits there slowly sinking, too large for anyone to pay mind to the effects of a hole on the starboard side, I know that no one here to watch the Grand Prix in Abu Dhabi would rather be anywhere than aboard the biggest boat in the marina. That "Moonlight" is nothing so long as there is "Moonlight II," until I turn a corner and see, there across another inlet, where the truly big boats are docked...
I'd registered this feeling before. Two summers ago, on the flats of the middlemost Midwest, I attended the Indy 500 for the first time. The engines rattled me in those powerful, important ways that they do during your first time; the speed of the straights I couldn't stop talking about for weeks. I stood there ten feet away as eventual-champion Dario Franchitti pitted, and then rolled into the winner's alley of America's most storied racetrack. Franchitti, to me, was this confirmed ideal of a motorsportsman—handsome, accented, married to super-cool-chick Ashley Judd. And then I heard about Vettel. That Franchitti was fine, his race car plenty quick—but that the top global series was so far advanced that Franchitti, a Scotsman, could hardly get a tryout. There was a reason all those half-talents at Indy were stuck spending weekends in Iowa and Kentucky, while Vettel and company stamped their passports in Singapore and Bahrain. I'd turned the corner, seen the bigger boat.
And so at night, from the marina the enthusiasts spring to the clubs. For plenty on Saturday evening, the first stop is the edible-seeming Cipriani, where there are two red ropes, followed by an elevator check, enforced further by a black rope, before entrance is granted to the inside. If you've ever been in a place that's overly-indulgent in its own mystique of serious pleasure, this is not quite it. It's too early, I think. Britney Spears performed somewhere last night; Paul McCartney's not till tomorrow. But in the meantime, people are laughing plenty, horsing around. Telling pretty, young acquaintances, "Well, I own fifty companies," and then taking shit from their older wives for saying so. There's a guy who looks like that blonde '80s actor who was always beating up the Jewish and Italian high school nerds. (You know, the one from Cobra Kai...) Most of the people embrace one another the way old college buddies do at reunions.
I had assumed beforehand that an appeal of Formula One was its geographic diversity, its global variety, but it was quickly my impression that the greater fact, the truest appeal, for those pursuing these interests is that the Grand Prix experience is exactly the same at every stop, all season long. There is a sense, in the quality of clothing and the dismissiveness toward the help and the strange familiarity—this shared sort of easy-flowing, yet never-quite-proper English that must be the working language of sub-oligarchs—that many of these people, even if meeting for the first time tonight, will get along quite well together. In this way, F1 seems to summon rich people to the playground like a recess bell.
Someone has ordered a glass container of champagne that can hardly be called a bottle because it's even larger than the ones the race winner will shower his fans with on Sunday night. When a notable order is placed, a procession of lycra dresses and the girls they're half-concealing fire up sparklers and lead the purchase to its new owner. During each sparkler session, the dark goes light for a moment, the eyes of most men trailing one of the marching women whose ass looks as though it was conceived by a balloon artist. On one such occasion, I spot something across the room that's familiar, un-mistakable, from my neighborhood in New York: Adrien Brody's nose.
He's all alone, black blazer and black V-neck, thumbing his phone like a twelve-year-old whose friends are late meeting him at the movies. He looks around every few minutes, sadly, until finally a table of what appear to be rich, local Emiratis invites him to drink with them. Like me, he sips wordlessly, probably a little unsure. But then we are saved: a troupe of cross-dressing pirates appears. We can relax in our silence, and watch.
The pirates, mostly women with mascara mustaches doing a sort of Beaux Arts Jack Sparrow thing, assume a ballet dancer's fourth or fifth position atop scattered booths, and one, suitably flexible, arranges herself in a chandelier that's affixed with champagne bottles. The pirates are all clearly waiting for something to happen, for someone to start. But the DJ carries on aimlessly, sparking a fellow on the other side of the room, a pirate midget it turns out, to hop from his perch, commit to a short-legged sprint across the dance floor, and reprimand the DJ for his mis-timing. Then it happens: the music is cued, the dancing commences, the champagne-chandelier acrobat twists toward the ceiling. Adrien Brody looks happier.
Later that night, in a temporary, puffed-up performance tent in a parking lot that ends inelegantly at desert and nothing, Fatboy Slim is helicoptering his arms and his hands and everyone is having an even better time. Suddenly, it is quite late, and there are two 20-something Americans pulling my cocktail from my fingers, and stealing two-handed sips for themselves. He is from Kentucky, and she from Chicago, and they both work in Dubai. It's funny how quickly that composite foreign-English becomes normative, and a North Shore beeaathroom begins to impress as kind of downtrodden and distant. They are as uncertain about my presence here as I am. The guy starts telling me all the things he thinks I should know about the region, and before long he seizes on a point that is plagued by an echoey punchline: "...and the PAKISTANIS clean it up!" This bothers him. This disparity, which so clearly exists, between upper-class Arabs, expat whites, and the hidden scores of brown-skinned people from Asia and Africa who hold doors and sweep floors, etc. His volume is making the girl nervous. "The Pakistanis! White man... PAKISTANIS!!" he says. A guy in a striped shirt near me dances like one of those sand-bottomed inflatable clowns, and the kid from Kentucky gets right up inside my ear, grips my shirt: "The PakiSTANis, man. That's what you WRITE about. That's what you write aBOUT." It goes on until the girl becomes so visibly, facially upset that she drags him away by the shirtsleeve and starts lighting into him to get it together. He gives one of those "What?! What?!" heaving body shrugs, and then they're gone.
I don't meet another American for the rest of the trip, but I fall asleep that morning, race morning, with the paradoxical thought that, as on most days back home, Adrien Brody is somewhere close, lying next to someone beautiful, or no one at all.
It's probably the case that Abu Dhabi benefits from a major racecar event as much as F1 profits from a new regional market possessing of solvent oil wealth. It's trickier to pin down what good F1 and the U.S. will be for one another.
After all, we have NASCAR, a motorsport series that hosts events 38 weekends a year and seems to lead SportsCenter with defiant frequency. But any fan (or member of the opposition) will be quick to acknowledge the line in this country dividing passion and disinterest. It effectively scribbles itself around an easily-identifiable Red America, and for the near future, NASCAR in all its big and brash color, stands to keep on signifying that half of the culture.
And yet there is a habit, it seems, among foreign F1 types I speak with, to make no distinction between the two dissonant halves hashing it out politically and otherwise in the U.S. at present. The NASCAR crowd, they presume, is America, the whole of it. And so their reasonable move toward assimilation begins with borrowing from the proven, successful qualities of the oval racers.
"I've seen the fans of NASCAR," 2008 F1 Series champ Lewis Hamilton says. "And while I've never been to a race, the feeling is that it's very much a family sport, where families drive down in their RVs, park up, and watch the race from their motor home all weekend. When F1 comes to the States, that still needs to be possible. Additionally, by contrast to NASCAR, F1 is very private. There is no way you can get access to the drivers; I don't know how we in the sport can be more accommodating of that. But we are doing more signing sessions and that sort of thing outside the circuit so you can see the fans a bit more...." Mark Webber, Vettel's Red Bull teammate, builds on the bit about driver accessibility: "If we need to do anything better, it's what we do for the fans. Americans always do a huge amount for the fans, great interaction, especially in NASCAR."
It's my impression, though, after a weekend at the circuit, that F1 should be less concerned with mimicking the moves of NASCAR than standing as a clear alternative—in particular, for the politically blue sports fan who has long balked at the fuss surrounding NASCAR. Sure, it can be tough to stomach the Monaco-style vanity-glam of Formula One, but just as every NASCAR fan isn't taking a keg of Bud Light to the face while grillin' out in his camo trucker hat, not every F1-er is mustering strength to aggressively offend your sensibility with his popped polo (the one with the big horse), driving mocs, and extra-tall girlfriend. In the end, there are allegiances to the teams and drivers, and a reverence of the past that's not unlike our romanticism of, say, baseball. "The history is the attraction," Webber says. "Some of the tracks we've been racing on since the '50s. And it's amazing how many times you hear 'My grandson, my father, my grandfather....' The generations go through it. So obviously the new markets we're hitting are in a very embryonic stage; it'll take a little while to catch up." He considers this. "But then of course, if you have a driver of your own nationality..."
So the concern of how to roll out the new era lingers. "It's really a matter of getting the car in front of people," Hamilton says. "Once you hear it and see it, feel the noise—then maybe they'll turn out for a race. I don't quite know how F1 will play in Oklahoma and places like that, but every time I'm in L.A., I swear more people recognize me—genuine fans." Which begs the question: is Austin really the right play? Or to the coasts instead?
On Sunday afternoon, about forty minutes out from sunset, the cars in the starting grid take off to run through their warm-up lap. The sound is enormous, the work of the swarm. After the tense and thrilling conclusion of Qualifying, the scene is set for a 55-lap, day-into-evening Grand Prix that should last about two hours. The pits are stirring, the cars return to their hold on the starting grid. And once each of the noses have suspended their forward motion, the lights go green, and the pack of twenty-four are gunning for Turn One, a hard left that Vettel, from pole, takes easily. He has maintained his lead, and though it's only been three or four seconds, he seems to have picked up some thousandths on Hamilton in second.
But in the instant of a thunder-smack, Vettel is suddenly off-course, his rear right tire blown to pieces. There's a gasp in the Red Bull garage. From the runover grass, he throttles the car forward down the track, but his pace is slashed, and the full field is by him. It takes too long for Vettel to get to the pits; if he's to remain within a plausible length of contention, it'll require fast work by the mechanics. But after that rear right tire is removed, the mechanics bearing witness to the suspension damage slump in resignation.
Vettel does his part to remain cool. He resists throwing his helmet or his gloves. He runs his hands through his hair, and then makes a gesture that reads like: "The tire was perfectly round one instant, and then it came apart...." He doesn't yell at any of the mechanics, nor hang his head in near-tears. Part of the reason might be because there are TV cameras up in his space, monitoring the heavily-favored star of the series—knocked out of his first race of the season, and in less than five seconds. One cameraman just stands there, inches away, watching Vettel wonder what went wrong. Later, Vettel will say that he may have taken Turn One too sharp, that he punctured the tire because of an aggressive first move. All I know is that the moment meant something to me, serving as I was as this temporary steward to the gently curious American sports fan—charged with determining just how badly we really need Formula One. Here was the star, the lead reason to watch, and he was done already.
Imagine if this happens in Austin in November, if the best driver on earth crashes out in Turn Two. Sure, it's about as likely as Aaron Rodgers getting concussed during the first play from scrimmage at the Super Bowl, or Tiger Woods (rather: good, c.2000 Tiger Woods) breaking his wrist on the first hole Thursday morning at the Masters—but those events don't need for everything to go perfectly. F1, by contrast, has no margin. All the drivers I speak with are both right and wrong—we fans must be exposed to the cars, to the drivers, to the stuff surrounding the sport. But what we need more than anything is a great race. High-stakes competition, blood rivalry, the most exhilarating performances by the most skilled drivers of the most powerful cars in the world.
Instead of retiring to a locker room to sulk privately, Vettel catches his breath and then hustles over to the pit wall to join the team bosses while they direct Mark Webber through the remainder of his race. A mechanical issue during his first stop forces Webber to pit a third time, while the other leaders (three of those top five who always knock it out together) only pit twice. Lewis Hamilton wins, followed by Ferrari's Fernando Alonso, and Hamilton's McLaren teammate Jenson Button. It is a fine week for racing, except if you're Red Bull.
Then, as though to confirm my apprehension about the Vettel misstep, the week after I'm back in the States, the Austin race falls apart. They literally just stop building the track. No one knows for sure what happened, but the F1 brass keep alluding to a complex contract dispute with their stateside partners—the race's greater future uncertain. So we've got another year to figure it out, to get hungry. And isn't it just right that the new hopes rest on New York, then, the one place that could probably make it work. It's the right picture, isn't it? Yachts beating back against the summer Hudson current, sleep-eyed Upper Westsiders rising Grand Prix morning to the hornet drone of Vettel and co. revving for their practice lap on the New Jersey streets with probably the best view of the midtown Manhattan skyline. By then maybe we'll know his name.
To which it's worth pointing out that Mario Andretti won an F1 series in 1978, the last of just two champions from the States. Some other Americans followed him into the series, but few contended; it's just never seemed to stick. And yet the U.S. Grand Prix was a longtime stopover, run for decades in upstate New York at Watkins Glen, one of the drivers' favorites events (if only because it paid out an enormous purse). Later, attempts in Vegas and Dallas and Detroit predated a short, recent stretch during which they ran at Indy (where an F1-style segment was cut through the infield at the Motor Speedway)—before the event disappeared altogether. "I did my first ever race in Indianapolis, I loved it," Vettel says. "But surely Formula One hasn't always presented itself in a great way in America."
Love Me, Hate Me, Just Don't Ignore Me
Terrell Owens doesn't want to bowl alone.
On a weekday night just before Thanksgiving, he's seated at a banquet-sized dining table in his three-bedroom Los Angeles condo, Real Wives of Whatever blaring on the flat-screen in the living room a few feet away. He looks at his phone, hoping for a text from the pals he's been trying to hook up with for weeks. He wants to meet at the lanes nearby for a few frames and some laughs, but it's looking bad again tonight. "People get busy, you know," he says. His lean legs twitch; the famously cut six-foot-three frame, still impossibly taut at almost 38, bends slightly back in the chair like a loaded catapult. He's wearing a hoodie and basketball shorts, and his earlobes glisten with the dime-sized diamond discs he's worn for years.
Bowling is his escape, one he wishes had been there for him on those sweaty teenage nights in the Alabama town where he grew up, skinny and unpopular, so dark-skinned that the other black kids razzed him nonstop, and later, to take the edge off marathon weight-lifting sessions at the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga. He learned to bowl for a charity event early in his stint with the 49ers, and he hit the lanes whenever he could during the fifteen seasons he spent in the NFL, racking up stats that make him one of the greatest wide receivers in league history—second only to Jerry Rice in career receiving yards—and a likely first-ballot Hall of Famer. Bowling is chill, especially for a guy like him who never did like the clubs, never drank much or bothered with drugs. And a massive chill is what Owens—idle, adrift, desperate for cash, fending off rumors about his mental health—needs right now. Bad.
Since last spring, when the Cincinnati Bengals declined to renew his one-year, $2 million contract, Owens has been a man without a team, making him arguably football's most talented unemployed player. Plenty of teams could use a receiver of Owens's caliber, there's no question about that, but no one has made even a lowball offer. His agent, Drew Rosenhaus, has tried to drum up interest by hinting that some unnamed club is sniffing around, but nothing has materialized.
Which leaves T.O. a caged cat for the first time in his career, pacing the 1,800-square-foot apartment he paid $499,000 for in October 2010, circling the maroon and silver velvet chairs that a decorator helped him choose, stepping past the pile of dirty laundry in the long hall, picking at a pan of brown rice on the stove. He plays pickup basketball when he can—the game was his first love—and softball in a rec league run by Jamie Foxx, but that's not enough to keep his mind off things. Praying helps; he's taken to attending a local Presbyterian church, a world away from his Southern Baptist roots. "It's preppy. At the part where we say 'Amen,' they say 'Indeed.' "
Still, the season ticks by—Sunday, Monday, Sunday, Monday—every week a blur, all the way through December and into the playoffs, and the disbelief mounts.
They know they need me. Why don't they pick up the phone?
You could argue that he's old. You could argue that it's the knee. He tore his ACL after he was released by the Bengals and kept the injury a secret until he had surgery in June. But he's not buying it. He suspects, no, he knows that's not what is making owners and coaches wary. After all, his history as a miracle healer—that's "good" T.O., the bionic superstar who broke his leg yet started in Super Bowl XXXIX for Philadelphia less than two months later—is legend. He's been rehabbing like a mother, as he always does, three hours a day, starting at 6 a.m. And didn't he and Rosenhaus stage a workout weeks ago on the Calabasas High School field that was televised on ESPN, to prove to the world he was 100 percent? That not a single team scout came to check him out seemed to suggest that it isn't his knee, or at least not just that. Hell, if there were any doubts about his health, why wouldn't they invite him in on a Tuesday for a private workout, like they do with other free agents, just to keep their options open as injuries pile up?
It's his mouth, that unhinged gusher of an orifice with its gleaming slice of teeth. Or at least memories of the chemistry-killing vitriol that spewed from that mouth during his time with San Francisco, Philadelphia, Dallas. And how he punctuated the raw stream of consciousness with a magic bag of clever if ultimately self-destructive antics once the play ended: the spike on the "sacred" Dallas star logo in 2000, the Sharpie pulled from his sock to sign a ball after a 2002 touchdown against the Seahawks, the 2006 Thanksgiving Day TD after which he blithely deposited the ball into a huge Salvation Army kettle. "In terms of what I said, well, my grandma brought me up to be honest," he says, fidgeting with a set of Buckyballs, those tiny stubborn magnets that won't let go. "And in terms of what I did, well, I will tell you this, and you will never be able to convince me otherwise, if another player who had performed as well as I have on the field had done those same things, they would shake their little heads and say, 'You gotta admire his enthusiasm,' or, 'Just look at how much he loves the game!' He'd be a hero."
Owens may have had a mediocre 2009–2010, his one year with Buffalo, but you can't say he didn't bring it last season in Cincinnati: seventy-two catches and nine TDs for nearly a thousand yards (easily besting his pal, ten-year Bengals vet Chad Ochocinco). And in both cities, he achieved something more: a modicum of restraint. There was nary an end-zone shimmy or a tactless remark (at least about his current teammates or coaches) to reporters. But it turns out to be hard to live down the reputation as team poison, to convince owners that he's not a hand grenade without a pin, a petulant attention grabber with unresolved childhood trauma, a man in serious need of mood stabilizers.
"It's not his knee that's the problem; it's his attitude," says an executive at one of the better teams, who didn't want to be named. The ratio that once made it worth it for owners to sign him—two parts genius to two parts trouble—has shifted now that he is not quite as fast, his body not as reliable. "He may have been less openly divisive with the Bengals," the exec continues, "but you can't live down the destruction of all those years. With T.O., no matter how brilliant he can be on the field, the dark side is always lurking. You don't know which T.O. you're going to get, and no one is comfortable risking that."
To Owens, this reputation as human nitroglycerin is a matter of perception—a perception twisted by reporters. He has written a pair of autobiographies, and his most recent attempt to show the public who he really is was his reality program, The T.O. Show, which ran on VH1 from July 2009 until this past November. A "follow" show that aimed to track his movements during three off-seasons, it was packaged for the network by Monique Jackson and Kita Williams, two sassy women who for years had been his closest female friends and appeared on the show as his "publicists and business partners." He cooperated, he says, "to expose a new audience, a more female audience, to me as a human being beyond the macho sports personality." The show was, of course, massaged to make the messy narrative of his life more cogent, but co-producer Jesse Ignjatovic, a reality-show veteran, said he had never worked with a celebrity so willing to let down his guard. "I can't imagine another NFL player who would let us film while he told his mother, who relied on him, that he was going broke, someone who wouldn't hold back tears while he stood there in her kitchen."
But the media roundly scoffed at the idea of a "new" T.O., and Owens responded as he always has: defensively. "They, you, need a bad guy," he fumes, refilling his tall glass of springwater as the hostility in the room grows thick. Around each wrist are two-inch-wide rubber bracelets embossed with words in black and white: LOVE ME HATE ME. "I think people change, but the media, they never allowed me to change. They never allowed me to be a better person."
On a weekday night just before Thanksgiving, he's seated at a banquet-sized dining table in his three-bedroom Los Angeles condo, Real Wives of Whatever blaring on the flat-screen in the living room a few feet away. He looks at his phone, hoping for a text from the pals he's been trying to hook up with for weeks. He wants to meet at the lanes nearby for a few frames and some laughs, but it's looking bad again tonight. "People get busy, you know," he says. His lean legs twitch; the famously cut six-foot-three frame, still impossibly taut at almost 38, bends slightly back in the chair like a loaded catapult. He's wearing a hoodie and basketball shorts, and his earlobes glisten with the dime-sized diamond discs he's worn for years.
Bowling is his escape, one he wishes had been there for him on those sweaty teenage nights in the Alabama town where he grew up, skinny and unpopular, so dark-skinned that the other black kids razzed him nonstop, and later, to take the edge off marathon weight-lifting sessions at the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga. He learned to bowl for a charity event early in his stint with the 49ers, and he hit the lanes whenever he could during the fifteen seasons he spent in the NFL, racking up stats that make him one of the greatest wide receivers in league history—second only to Jerry Rice in career receiving yards—and a likely first-ballot Hall of Famer. Bowling is chill, especially for a guy like him who never did like the clubs, never drank much or bothered with drugs. And a massive chill is what Owens—idle, adrift, desperate for cash, fending off rumors about his mental health—needs right now. Bad.
Since last spring, when the Cincinnati Bengals declined to renew his one-year, $2 million contract, Owens has been a man without a team, making him arguably football's most talented unemployed player. Plenty of teams could use a receiver of Owens's caliber, there's no question about that, but no one has made even a lowball offer. His agent, Drew Rosenhaus, has tried to drum up interest by hinting that some unnamed club is sniffing around, but nothing has materialized.
Which leaves T.O. a caged cat for the first time in his career, pacing the 1,800-square-foot apartment he paid $499,000 for in October 2010, circling the maroon and silver velvet chairs that a decorator helped him choose, stepping past the pile of dirty laundry in the long hall, picking at a pan of brown rice on the stove. He plays pickup basketball when he can—the game was his first love—and softball in a rec league run by Jamie Foxx, but that's not enough to keep his mind off things. Praying helps; he's taken to attending a local Presbyterian church, a world away from his Southern Baptist roots. "It's preppy. At the part where we say 'Amen,' they say 'Indeed.' "
Still, the season ticks by—Sunday, Monday, Sunday, Monday—every week a blur, all the way through December and into the playoffs, and the disbelief mounts.
They know they need me. Why don't they pick up the phone?
You could argue that he's old. You could argue that it's the knee. He tore his ACL after he was released by the Bengals and kept the injury a secret until he had surgery in June. But he's not buying it. He suspects, no, he knows that's not what is making owners and coaches wary. After all, his history as a miracle healer—that's "good" T.O., the bionic superstar who broke his leg yet started in Super Bowl XXXIX for Philadelphia less than two months later—is legend. He's been rehabbing like a mother, as he always does, three hours a day, starting at 6 a.m. And didn't he and Rosenhaus stage a workout weeks ago on the Calabasas High School field that was televised on ESPN, to prove to the world he was 100 percent? That not a single team scout came to check him out seemed to suggest that it isn't his knee, or at least not just that. Hell, if there were any doubts about his health, why wouldn't they invite him in on a Tuesday for a private workout, like they do with other free agents, just to keep their options open as injuries pile up?
It's his mouth, that unhinged gusher of an orifice with its gleaming slice of teeth. Or at least memories of the chemistry-killing vitriol that spewed from that mouth during his time with San Francisco, Philadelphia, Dallas. And how he punctuated the raw stream of consciousness with a magic bag of clever if ultimately self-destructive antics once the play ended: the spike on the "sacred" Dallas star logo in 2000, the Sharpie pulled from his sock to sign a ball after a 2002 touchdown against the Seahawks, the 2006 Thanksgiving Day TD after which he blithely deposited the ball into a huge Salvation Army kettle. "In terms of what I said, well, my grandma brought me up to be honest," he says, fidgeting with a set of Buckyballs, those tiny stubborn magnets that won't let go. "And in terms of what I did, well, I will tell you this, and you will never be able to convince me otherwise, if another player who had performed as well as I have on the field had done those same things, they would shake their little heads and say, 'You gotta admire his enthusiasm,' or, 'Just look at how much he loves the game!' He'd be a hero."
Owens may have had a mediocre 2009–2010, his one year with Buffalo, but you can't say he didn't bring it last season in Cincinnati: seventy-two catches and nine TDs for nearly a thousand yards (easily besting his pal, ten-year Bengals vet Chad Ochocinco). And in both cities, he achieved something more: a modicum of restraint. There was nary an end-zone shimmy or a tactless remark (at least about his current teammates or coaches) to reporters. But it turns out to be hard to live down the reputation as team poison, to convince owners that he's not a hand grenade without a pin, a petulant attention grabber with unresolved childhood trauma, a man in serious need of mood stabilizers.
"It's not his knee that's the problem; it's his attitude," says an executive at one of the better teams, who didn't want to be named. The ratio that once made it worth it for owners to sign him—two parts genius to two parts trouble—has shifted now that he is not quite as fast, his body not as reliable. "He may have been less openly divisive with the Bengals," the exec continues, "but you can't live down the destruction of all those years. With T.O., no matter how brilliant he can be on the field, the dark side is always lurking. You don't know which T.O. you're going to get, and no one is comfortable risking that."
To Owens, this reputation as human nitroglycerin is a matter of perception—a perception twisted by reporters. He has written a pair of autobiographies, and his most recent attempt to show the public who he really is was his reality program, The T.O. Show, which ran on VH1 from July 2009 until this past November. A "follow" show that aimed to track his movements during three off-seasons, it was packaged for the network by Monique Jackson and Kita Williams, two sassy women who for years had been his closest female friends and appeared on the show as his "publicists and business partners." He cooperated, he says, "to expose a new audience, a more female audience, to me as a human being beyond the macho sports personality." The show was, of course, massaged to make the messy narrative of his life more cogent, but co-producer Jesse Ignjatovic, a reality-show veteran, said he had never worked with a celebrity so willing to let down his guard. "I can't imagine another NFL player who would let us film while he told his mother, who relied on him, that he was going broke, someone who wouldn't hold back tears while he stood there in her kitchen."
But the media roundly scoffed at the idea of a "new" T.O., and Owens responded as he always has: defensively. "They, you, need a bad guy," he fumes, refilling his tall glass of springwater as the hostility in the room grows thick. Around each wrist are two-inch-wide rubber bracelets embossed with words in black and white: LOVE ME HATE ME. "I think people change, but the media, they never allowed me to change. They never allowed me to be a better person."
Need an Excuse to Watch Smash? Here's Two: Katharine. McPhee.
A copy of the first episode of Smash—NBC's new drama series about a girl trying to make it on Broadway—sat on my coffee table gathering dust through the fall and early winter of 2011. It was my job to watch it. I did not. The thing is, I am allergic to jazz hands. When people break into song for no reason, I break into hives.

It was my wife—intrigued by the prospect of Smash's grown-up Glee-ness—who finally broke the impasse. After ten minutes, to my great horror, I knew the show would be a hit and that I would be stuck with it for years. After twenty minutes, to my great horror and even greater perplexity, I realized I liked it. It's not a musical show so much as a show about how a musical (in this case, one about Marilyn Monroe) comes together. Which, as it turns out, is pretty interesting. But mostly I liked it because of the girl up there in the tub. Katharine McPhee. Remember the hot chick who lost to the old guy on American Idol? Now she's Katharine McPhee, star of Smash, irresistible sweetheart-with-a-soupçon-of-sexpot young actress.
When I tell McPhee how hard I resisted watching Smash, she laughs. "Yeah, this sounds very familiar. Like most of the other very straight men that I've spoken with." As a penance, I tell her I want to help persuade more men to watch the show. Here's what we come up with.
Reason #1: Your lady does it for you. Now do it for her. "Listen," McPhee says, "I go see all the guy movies, so now I know I love them. But you have to be open to it. I would say to the girlfriends out there: Just nail him down, make him watch an episode with you."

Reason #2: It's not like they're singing constantly. "I can understand why guys wouldn't be into Glee. You know, that's a pretty heavy musical show. That show does, like, six songs in an episode. We'll do, at most, three."
Reason #3: "Okay, how about this: What if I tell your readers that in episode five I take off all my clothes?" Sold! But hold on—would it be true? "I mean...no." McPhee laughs mischievously. "But can't we just say that?"
It was my wife—intrigued by the prospect of Smash's grown-up Glee-ness—who finally broke the impasse. After ten minutes, to my great horror, I knew the show would be a hit and that I would be stuck with it for years. After twenty minutes, to my great horror and even greater perplexity, I realized I liked it. It's not a musical show so much as a show about how a musical (in this case, one about Marilyn Monroe) comes together. Which, as it turns out, is pretty interesting. But mostly I liked it because of the girl up there in the tub. Katharine McPhee. Remember the hot chick who lost to the old guy on American Idol? Now she's Katharine McPhee, star of Smash, irresistible sweetheart-with-a-soupçon-of-sexpot young actress.
When I tell McPhee how hard I resisted watching Smash, she laughs. "Yeah, this sounds very familiar. Like most of the other very straight men that I've spoken with." As a penance, I tell her I want to help persuade more men to watch the show. Here's what we come up with.
Reason #1: Your lady does it for you. Now do it for her. "Listen," McPhee says, "I go see all the guy movies, so now I know I love them. But you have to be open to it. I would say to the girlfriends out there: Just nail him down, make him watch an episode with you."
Reason #2: It's not like they're singing constantly. "I can understand why guys wouldn't be into Glee. You know, that's a pretty heavy musical show. That show does, like, six songs in an episode. We'll do, at most, three."
Reason #3: "Okay, how about this: What if I tell your readers that in episode five I take off all my clothes?" Sold! But hold on—would it be true? "I mean...no." McPhee laughs mischievously. "But can't we just say that?"
Live from Sundance: A GQ&A with John Hawkes
Yesterday, Sundance finally witnessed its biggest sale, when The Surrogate sold for a reported six million dollars to Fox Searchlight, thanks to a stirring performance by John Hawkes, which is already generating such intense, immediate, and obvious Oscar buzz that it's easy to forget that the next Oscar ceremony is still 13 months away. In the first film in 18 years by writer-director Ben Lewin who is himself partially disabled, Hawkes acts entirely on his contorted back as poet, wiseass, and polio survivor Mark O'Brien, a Boston journalist who spent most of his life confined to an iron lung. Sounds depressing, right? Only it's dirty, witty, and moving in equal measure as O'Brien, with the counsel of his priest (William H. Macy), hires a sexual surrogate (Helen Hunt) to help him enjoy sex, despite the fact that his movement is restricted to his face and neck. Macy is deadpan brilliant, and Hunt, who goes full-frontal for the part, delivers maybe the best performance of her career. But all eyes are on Hawkes. He has been the toast of Sundance three times before, first with Me and You and Everyone We Know, then Winter's Bone, for which he was Oscar-nominated, and most recently Martha Marcy May Marlene. We talked to him about what it was like to play O'Brien, and what it's like to be 2013's leading Best Actor candidate.
···
GQ: Let's start with the basics. How did this project come about?
John Hawkes: Well, the project came to me the old-fashioned way in one of several scripts that I was offered after my great luck of last year through the awards season [after Winter's Bone]. I had a pretty nice-size stack of things to read. I chose the two lowest-budget projects. There were some ones that could have probably made some money. But I'm a sucker for good writing and for a good story. So, I read the script and thought it was pretty amazing. I met with Ben Lewin at a deli in Los Angeles and was quite taken with Ben. He's a wonderful, unusual, interesting man. My first question to Ben was, "Why not a disabled actor? Have you sought out disabled actors?" He assured me that he had, that he spent quite a long time, and some of those actors were cast in the film. But he just felt that he hadn't found who he needed and felt that it was something I could do. Then, with Ben I tried to figure out who else we could cast. It's a very low-budget movie but the script was so great that it attracted Helen Hunt to play the surrogate and William H. Macy to play the priest, Father Brendan.
GQ: Not too shabby.
John Hawkes: Yes. It's really amazing. You've got people like Adam Arkin showing up in smaller roles and Earl Brown and Robin Weigert, Rusty Schwimmer. Just a really fantastic group…on and on. It's vindicating to read something and realize you're not the only one that thinks that it's really, really great. I've been a fan of Bill Macy's for so many years, since before Fargo, long before that. I just was incredibly, incredibly elated that he was joining us. His work proves out.
GQ: What were those other scripts you were getting? The bad guy in the superhero movie?
John Hawkes: Sure. Sure. There's a few of those. And I'm not against making money. I'm not against large-studio films. But for the most part I just gravitate towards material that happens to fall into the independent vein. I've spoken on this before, but one of the issues with the larger movies is that there's many bosses. A lot of people vet each tiny decision. On an independent film it doesn't have to do with guessing what's going to make the most money or guess what the audience will like. It's a filmmaker and his team or her team telling the story they want to tell the way they want to tell it without interference from people who think that the lead actor should smile more or things like that. There are wonderful studio movies. But I feel like the percentage has begun to drop over the years of wonderful studio movies versus wonderful independent movies, just in my own subjective opinion. The art that changes the world to me isn't when people guess what the audience might like but rather tell their story or paint their painting or dance their dance or write their novel the way they want to do it.
GQ: And it's particularly absurd to me, particularly because the biggest films in box-office history are the ones by guys like James Cameron and Christopher Nolan, who have been given an unusual amount of control.
John Hawkes: I wonder if they really have that kind of control. But maybe they do. I'm not sure. But I think even in their minds, and this is maybe not a great thing to say, but perhaps even in some of those powerful filmmaker's minds there may perhaps be the idea that the movie needs to make a lot of money. Plus, if that person happens to have a backing in the movie they're again going to be guessing what the audience will come and see and pay for. Sometimes that works. But most of the time, to my mind it doesn't work well.
Sadly, studios years ago stopped making mid-budget movies for adults. So, we're kind of left with cartoons and explosions and things. Those can be interesting movies and they can be things that I also enjoy. But for the most part, independent films have taken up the old Kramer Vs. Kramer and those kinds of things that studios used to make. Movies don't have to be heavy and full of deep thought and ideas, but independent film definitely has picked up the slack to try to tell stories for those who aren't as interested in the cartoons and the explosions.
GQ: Yeah. I mean this film, there's always skepticism in film festivals and in the award circuit about films about somebody with a disability.
John Hawkes: Yes. There's the festival audience as well.
GQ: Is it ever a thought in your process? It must be tempting to think about that audience.
John Hawkes: I hope not. I hope not because my constant battle and luckily it wasn't a battle I had to wage against Ben Lewin, was that the story itself is just immediately fraught. There is a guy who is living most of his life in an iron lung. So, you don't really need to do too much piling on. I wanted to make sure that not only did the portrayal of Mark kind of fight self-pity but that the film as a whole fought self-pity. That he was always trying to solve his problem. He was always working toward a solution to find peace and to find some sort of satisfaction in his world and some sort of… happiness in his life. So, it was important to not push for sentiment or for sadness.
GQ: In a way, you're doing what they tell actors not to do: acting from the neck up. Watching video of him, what did you notice?
John Hawkes: Jessica Yu made an extraordinary short documentary that won the Academy Award in the '90s called Breathing Lessons, about Mark's life. So, not only is it just a piece of art that stands on its own, it was an extraordinary tool for me personally to try to understand Mark both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I was also trying to figure out how to use a mouth stick to type and to turn pages of books. I read all of his poetry that I could find, all of his articles that I could find. Poems written about him, articles written about him. I found everything I could. But beyond all that, the greatest tool was Breathing Lessons to try to see how compelling a person who has no movement other than 90 degrees of their head could be. He's a very compelling figure.
GQ: Was that sense of humor there? That wiseass attitude?
John Hawkes: Very much so. And those women [portrayed in the film] were around and available to speak to. They were really open to answering questions as best they could. So, what I learned about Mark was that he had a very incisive sense of humor and a lot of anger but a lot of humor came out around that anger. They told me several stories that were pretty amazing.
GQ: Can you tell me one ?
John Hawkes: Oh, sure. These aren't things from the film. Mark could be out of the iron lung for short periods of time and he loved baseball. So, he and Susan [his partner] were on the subway to watch a game. He's on his gurney with his breathing apparatus and his curved spine laying there. A rather rude, thoughtless woman on the train standing within Mark's hearing said to Susan, "What's wrong with him?" She asked several questions that seemed kind of odd for a stranger to ask, made other people in the train car a little uncomfortable. Well, as they got to their stop and Susan was pushing Mark out the door Mark shouted back to the woman the only thing he said the whole trip, which was, "Hope you had your shots!" He was like that.
GQ: Usually, when you ask an actor say they don't pay attention to the chatter, that buzz doesn't matter. But you saw that it mattered when your awards buzz meant that more people saw Winter's Bone and Martha Marcy—and those scripts started rolling in. Yesterday when the film sold and people started talking 2013 Best Actor, that must have been a pretty incredible day. But please don't tell me it didn't matter.
John Hawkes: Well, I do have a skepticism about kind of everything. I've had my heart broken in this business many times. So, my key to happiness has been a very low expectations. All I really took from yesterday—and it was an extraordinary day—was that people in the audience were really moved and excited by the film. They seemed to feel that they'd found a gem that hadn't existed for me personally. It would be disingenuous to say that it doesn't matter to me or that it isn't really important to me. I mean, I'm going to be doing this work as long as I'm physically able. I did it for many years for no money and was no less happy than I am now because with attention comes a lot of other things that aren't quite as pleasant. But, no, it's an extraordinary day and I'm so happy to be part of this project. This festival has been a huge part of my life, from doing the labs and readings and up this festival. I'm pretty beholden to Mr. Redford and Michelle Satter and all the folks at Sundance
Live from Sundance: A GQ&A with Parker Posey
Parker Posey is indubitably the first Sundance It Girl, and although she doesn't really come to the festival every year, her persona is inextricably linked to its spirit. This year, she's both hosting the Sundance Film Festival awards and starring in a new film called Price Check , which puts the former Party Girl into a corporate role as a boss who begins to demand more and more from her prize employee.
Although it's the tail end of a whirlwind week for Posey, the New Yorker seems to relish the opportunity to chat about film with other film-lovers, whether they're her own or an obscure art film playing at a little theater in Manhattan.
GQ: I was at the Q&A for Price Check this morning, and I thought it was very interesting that one woman stood up and asked if you thought Susan was pathetic or a bitch. Do you get that a lot about this character?
Parker Posey: No! But the movie just screened last night. It's indicative of how people view movies, which is kind of black-and-white. I think it's something that's missing and it's a big part of independent cinema, is to create interesting dialogue where people are fascinating. Why do they do the things that they do? You just wanna be more French. You want to have a larger conversation, and that's what these independent movies allow us to do, to have this dialogue...I love playing this part and I couldn't wait, because, I think I was saying this earlier today, I've seen women like this. And they're inspiring, and they're terrifying, and you want them to love you and like you, and you can't do anything to help their madness, and there's something really tragic about them. There's something really powerful about them. And being able to play such a character in a script that I think is so well-written and so culturally savvy was great, right?
GQ: I liked what you said in the Q&A about personality disorders and how you researched them in offices—
Parker Posey: I didn't research them in offices. I talked to my friends.
GQ: I think people in offices have really weird boundaries and it's a strange place, but I also feel like the film industry is a strange place, too. You must see some crazy stuff.
Parker Posey: I think there's just no rules in that business, and you have these conversations like, "Is the art world as crazy as the movie business? Is the music business as crazy the art world? Is the fashion industry crazier than showbiz?" I think that our world [is crazier but] at least it's showbiz and people talk to each other. It's so much fun to see that...
Everything has its own kind of theatricality and its own drama...[Susan] wants to consume, and she thinks she deserves exactly what she wants to have. This entitlement, I think, is something that collectively has been going on for a while now, so it was really fun to portray that.
She's got that perfume, she's got the man, she's got the stuff. She's a mess. She's got all the chaos, and all the medicine for her chaos, and all the perfumes and all the hair dryers and all the stuff and the blah and the blah and she wants a baby. She's just burning through her life.
But these are all mythological characters, too. It's fun to play those people with those big destructive forces and those women. That's fantastic. You know, women destroy in different ways than men do, and I had a great time playing her.
GQ: To shift things a little, a lot of the discussion right now is Sundance, and you, and your presence at Sundance, and how indie film is changing, but I'm also curious what you think of how immediate reactions to film have become and how the press cycle has changed.
Parker Posey: That's something that, the quick judging and assessing things, I pay no attention to. I can't. I'm not going to Google this movie, I'm not going to, I think putting that hat on is...I just don't. It's a bummer, because I think films are meant to be conversations after, and one-sided criticism and judgment without thought—I mean, you're looking at when people are watching the film by a writer/director who's saying something about a culture, to judge that in black-and-white is taking the fun out of the experience.
GQ: As an outspoken defender of indie film, how do you consume media? I've read interviews where you say you don't like going to the theater, which I totally relate to, so how do you enjoy consuming media?
Parker Posey: I like MacNeil/Lehrer. [laughs] PBS news. I'm very careful with—I don't have a Facebook page, if I do, it's not me. I don't Twitter, although sometimes I think that I should. I still, I don't know, I feel really old-fashioned, honestly, these days.
GQ: What I really meant was, do you think going to the cinema versus watching things in the comfort of your own home—it's an amazing advantage and opportunity to see films in various cities and places that might not otherwise have access to films that are on-demand in their homes, but does that take away from the cinematic experience?
Parker Posey: It's really fun to see a movie that you've heard about that's really good. I just saw this silent movie that's called The Unknown at the Film Forum, black-and-white, and it's just great, but that's a dialogue that we're all having right now. Like, how are we going to- what do you like more? Do you like the big-screen TV? Which is not that much smaller [than] the screen at Angelika, let's face it. And you can order up that classic movie and watch it and see it just as big, and I think festivals... you know, I live in New York City, so I love to see movies in theaters when I hear that they're good, as long as people can still look at it and project it on the wall and look at it as art and see the shots; like, I bet the fifteen-year-olds that are movie fans now, that have the energy and the time to project an image big on the screen, you know, it's gonna be great, right? We can't stop it. There's nothing...I can't be like, "No! I would never!" Because we're moving forward. We're adjusting to these times and to our culture. But also, people don't go to the theater as much either because they go to film festivals. That's pretty great, because they're popping up all over America.
Although it's the tail end of a whirlwind week for Posey, the New Yorker seems to relish the opportunity to chat about film with other film-lovers, whether they're her own or an obscure art film playing at a little theater in Manhattan.
GQ: I was at the Q&A for Price Check this morning, and I thought it was very interesting that one woman stood up and asked if you thought Susan was pathetic or a bitch. Do you get that a lot about this character?
Parker Posey: No! But the movie just screened last night. It's indicative of how people view movies, which is kind of black-and-white. I think it's something that's missing and it's a big part of independent cinema, is to create interesting dialogue where people are fascinating. Why do they do the things that they do? You just wanna be more French. You want to have a larger conversation, and that's what these independent movies allow us to do, to have this dialogue...I love playing this part and I couldn't wait, because, I think I was saying this earlier today, I've seen women like this. And they're inspiring, and they're terrifying, and you want them to love you and like you, and you can't do anything to help their madness, and there's something really tragic about them. There's something really powerful about them. And being able to play such a character in a script that I think is so well-written and so culturally savvy was great, right?
GQ: I liked what you said in the Q&A about personality disorders and how you researched them in offices—
Parker Posey: I didn't research them in offices. I talked to my friends.
GQ: I think people in offices have really weird boundaries and it's a strange place, but I also feel like the film industry is a strange place, too. You must see some crazy stuff.
Parker Posey: I think there's just no rules in that business, and you have these conversations like, "Is the art world as crazy as the movie business? Is the music business as crazy the art world? Is the fashion industry crazier than showbiz?" I think that our world [is crazier but] at least it's showbiz and people talk to each other. It's so much fun to see that...
Everything has its own kind of theatricality and its own drama...[Susan] wants to consume, and she thinks she deserves exactly what she wants to have. This entitlement, I think, is something that collectively has been going on for a while now, so it was really fun to portray that.
She's got that perfume, she's got the man, she's got the stuff. She's a mess. She's got all the chaos, and all the medicine for her chaos, and all the perfumes and all the hair dryers and all the stuff and the blah and the blah and she wants a baby. She's just burning through her life.
But these are all mythological characters, too. It's fun to play those people with those big destructive forces and those women. That's fantastic. You know, women destroy in different ways than men do, and I had a great time playing her.
GQ: To shift things a little, a lot of the discussion right now is Sundance, and you, and your presence at Sundance, and how indie film is changing, but I'm also curious what you think of how immediate reactions to film have become and how the press cycle has changed.
Parker Posey: That's something that, the quick judging and assessing things, I pay no attention to. I can't. I'm not going to Google this movie, I'm not going to, I think putting that hat on is...I just don't. It's a bummer, because I think films are meant to be conversations after, and one-sided criticism and judgment without thought—I mean, you're looking at when people are watching the film by a writer/director who's saying something about a culture, to judge that in black-and-white is taking the fun out of the experience.
GQ: As an outspoken defender of indie film, how do you consume media? I've read interviews where you say you don't like going to the theater, which I totally relate to, so how do you enjoy consuming media?
Parker Posey: I like MacNeil/Lehrer. [laughs] PBS news. I'm very careful with—I don't have a Facebook page, if I do, it's not me. I don't Twitter, although sometimes I think that I should. I still, I don't know, I feel really old-fashioned, honestly, these days.
GQ: What I really meant was, do you think going to the cinema versus watching things in the comfort of your own home—it's an amazing advantage and opportunity to see films in various cities and places that might not otherwise have access to films that are on-demand in their homes, but does that take away from the cinematic experience?
Parker Posey: It's really fun to see a movie that you've heard about that's really good. I just saw this silent movie that's called The Unknown at the Film Forum, black-and-white, and it's just great, but that's a dialogue that we're all having right now. Like, how are we going to- what do you like more? Do you like the big-screen TV? Which is not that much smaller [than] the screen at Angelika, let's face it. And you can order up that classic movie and watch it and see it just as big, and I think festivals... you know, I live in New York City, so I love to see movies in theaters when I hear that they're good, as long as people can still look at it and project it on the wall and look at it as art and see the shots; like, I bet the fifteen-year-olds that are movie fans now, that have the energy and the time to project an image big on the screen, you know, it's gonna be great, right? We can't stop it. There's nothing...I can't be like, "No! I would never!" Because we're moving forward. We're adjusting to these times and to our culture. But also, people don't go to the theater as much either because they go to film festivals. That's pretty great, because they're popping up all over America.
Blazing Saddles: Tom Carson on Luck
With none other than Dustin Hoffman and Nick Nolte heading the cast—and both doing some of their canniest work ever—the acting's the top reason to check out Luck, HBO's latest contender for Major American TV Drama. But the best reason to stick with it is that David (Deadwood) Milch and Michael (Miami Vice) Mann's bid to turn playing the horses into a pressure-cooker version of life in these United States just keeps getting more engrossing, even for viewers who don't know a trifecta from a daily double.
Hoffman is Chester "Ace" Bernstein, a wily moneybags who's just out after three years in the pen and wants a piece of California's Santa Anita racetrack. That dapper rock Dennis Farina plays his longtime chauffeur and live-in confidant, a relationship as vital to both of these tough cookies as J. Edgar Hoover's bromance with Clyde Tolson. But Ace's maneuvers are only one squiggle in a Jackson Pollock canvas of jockeys, trainers, agents, gamblers, and hangers-on all living for the adrenaline rush of post time. Though Nolte, as an old-school owner, obviously jumps right out—and so does Richard Kind as a stammering jockeys' rep—keep your eyes peeled for the quartet of funkily inspired performers (Kevin Dunn, token pretty boy Jason Gedrick, manic Ritchie Coster, and beatific Ian Hart) playing clubhouse pond scum turned neophyte horse owners after a big Pick 6 score. Half comic relief and half Greek chorus, they could be the funniest bunch of monomaniacs since The X-Files introduced the Lone Gunmen.
In a satisfyingly democratic way, what gives even these skeevy dudes equal rights with millionaires in Luck's milieu is a shared passion—if not addiction, or maybe religion—that trumps family attachments and everything else. The races themselves are shot and scored in a hyperbolic style totally unlike the rest of the show's unromantic tone, dramatizing their charged meaning to aficionados. Not just high-stakes contests, they're also the only transfiguring experiences this otherwise cynical world has to offer. Even Ace succumbs when he acquires a Mister Ed of his own: His look of quizzical wonder in the stalls tells you he's forming the first unguarded bond of his gnarly life. The ultra-American beauty of Luck is that pretty much everyone in sight is mercenary and calculating—and yet, whether they know it or not, they're in it for the poetry.
Hoffman is Chester "Ace" Bernstein, a wily moneybags who's just out after three years in the pen and wants a piece of California's Santa Anita racetrack. That dapper rock Dennis Farina plays his longtime chauffeur and live-in confidant, a relationship as vital to both of these tough cookies as J. Edgar Hoover's bromance with Clyde Tolson. But Ace's maneuvers are only one squiggle in a Jackson Pollock canvas of jockeys, trainers, agents, gamblers, and hangers-on all living for the adrenaline rush of post time. Though Nolte, as an old-school owner, obviously jumps right out—and so does Richard Kind as a stammering jockeys' rep—keep your eyes peeled for the quartet of funkily inspired performers (Kevin Dunn, token pretty boy Jason Gedrick, manic Ritchie Coster, and beatific Ian Hart) playing clubhouse pond scum turned neophyte horse owners after a big Pick 6 score. Half comic relief and half Greek chorus, they could be the funniest bunch of monomaniacs since The X-Files introduced the Lone Gunmen.
In a satisfyingly democratic way, what gives even these skeevy dudes equal rights with millionaires in Luck's milieu is a shared passion—if not addiction, or maybe religion—that trumps family attachments and everything else. The races themselves are shot and scored in a hyperbolic style totally unlike the rest of the show's unromantic tone, dramatizing their charged meaning to aficionados. Not just high-stakes contests, they're also the only transfiguring experiences this otherwise cynical world has to offer. Even Ace succumbs when he acquires a Mister Ed of his own: His look of quizzical wonder in the stalls tells you he's forming the first unguarded bond of his gnarly life. The ultra-American beauty of Luck is that pretty much everyone in sight is mercenary and calculating—and yet, whether they know it or not, they're in it for the poetry.
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