As the title suggests, the plot—as much as one exists—involves a guy buying a zoo then fixing it up so people can visit said zoo. Yeah, it's a lot like Zero Dark Thirty, but with no action, hardly any stakes, and some sad-sack animals slowly dying in the weeds. Couldn't get worse? Try casting Scarlett Johansson as a butch brunette sorta "love interest" who dresses like Brett Favre in a Wrangler commercial. And instead of endearing us to the film's star like director Cameron Crowe's Jerry Maguire did for Tom Cruise, We Bought a Zoo alienates us from Matt Damon by eliminating literally every thing we'd assumed was smart about his choices as an actor, thereby setting itself up as the perfect foil for the subsequent Argo/Affleck Reversal of Fortune that occurred this summer. Should've been titled Matt Damon's Reputation Buys the Farm.